Here we go, folks. It's time for that annual Hollywood circle jerk known as the Oscars. The glitz! The glamour! The nigh-insufferable acceptance speeches! And since this is the first ceremony since the election of President
This year I've only seen three of the fifteen films represented in the Big Six categories: The Wrestler, Tropic Thunder, and The Dark Knight. So I come from a place of indifference and ignorance in regards to most of the nominees. I'd love to see Robert Downey, Jr. win, but Heath Ledger did a fine job as the Joker. And I'm really pulling for Mickey Rourke to win. His performance was phenomenal and if he takes the prize we'd likely get the added bonus of being treated to a highly entertaining speech to liven up the sure to be dull proceedings.
During the lulls in the proceedings, I'll most likely be following the live blogs at Big Hollywood, the A.V. Club, and MTV (only because it's written by David Wain).
Hey, here's an idea: Why don't we have our own live blog right here in the comments section? It's kinda crazy, but it just might work! Here you can predict the winners, talk trash in regards to your Oscar pool, complain about snubs (*cough*Gran Torino*cough*), get catty about the clothes, and bitch about Hugh Jackman.
114 comments:
Dude, I don't have E! down here. Actually, I have some bullshit combo of E! and cspan so I can't watch the red carpet show. I am so pissed. And I have no idea why I would bitch about Hugh Jackman - he's one hot hottie full of hotness. I might just watch the whole show on mute.
Gran F-ING Torino!
FYI KP: am enjoying an Au Bon Climat Pinot Noir 2007, Santa Barbara County, Santa Maria Valley. Quaffable, but not transcendent.
Who are you people wearing?
KPMD - E! and CSPAN go together like chocolate and WD40. What are they thinking? It's for the best, though. I'm sure your patients would rather your brain power not degrade due to watching that channel. (I'm talking about CSPAN.)
spydrz - In-F-ING-deed!
Oh, and don't get me wrong. HJ's a cool dude. But normally we see a comedian in this role, not a song and dance mutant with adamantium claws.
"See, what he's doing is imitating Wolverine's berserker attack with his adamantium claws."
Well, at least I've got ABC covering the red carpet now. Spydrz, teasing a hormonal pregnant woman with thoughts of alcohol is soooo uncool. I am enjoying a caffeine-free diet coke :( BTW, Kate Winslet and Amy Adams look fab. I am wearing jeans by Seven for all Mankind (thank god they still fit!) and a demure long sleeve T courtesy of WDCE 90.1 (a new "alternative" designer out of Richmond)
I shall partake of your share of the Pinot. Actually, MQF is partaking of it.
KPMD - Hey, preggers chick. My Wal-Mart had Ben & Jerry's on sale for $2.75. Picked up the cinnamon bun flavor for tonight.
I am wearing a tasteful green t-shirt by Marvel Comics, featuring some of today's biggest stars of the stage and screen (Hulk! Wolverine! Spider-man! Captain America!), fashionable but functional pajama pants by Homer of Springfield, slippers by French designer Louis Target, and glasses by Fossil.
I'm skipping all this pre-show pap.
spydrz - "Shall I call you 'Logan,' Weapon X?"
Mmmmmm Dr. Jean Grey.
It's Miley!
(Okay, we're watching the damn pre-show.)
I do hope all of you are wearing your white ribbons. Otherwise, you're just a backwoods, Miracle Whip sandwich-eating homophobe.
Spydrz - MQF? Anyhoo, drink away - at least someone's enjoying. Next year, I'm so getting drunk and making Phil watch the kid.
Micah - Miley looks all sorts of hideous.
KP-Miss Ming has joined us for the weekend.
Streep's daughter...yum!
I wear nothing but pink ribbons, but I have a white dog - does that count? Man, I could eat me some of the B&J - I've got Breyer's Cookies n Cream - not too shabby.
Welcome Ming!
Micah - I was thinking the exact same thing. Though a BAP might be in order.
I also have some lime sherbet left over from when I had the flu. I'll probably save the rest of that for the next time I have the flu.
RE: The BAP
That goes without saying, really. You know me.
Ming does not have a computer.
Whoa! Is Hugh Jackman English or something?
Don't say the Zed word!
My game for tonight: guessing how many times Obama is mentioned.... Micah, your guess????
Hmmm...I'm going to say that there'll be 22 references (direct AND indirect) to Obama/end of the Bush era.
I'm just glad it won't be a drinking game.
Somewhere Billy Crystal is crying.
Anon - Who are you wearing?
AMY ADAMS!
Score one for me in the pool, bitches!
!Lechuga!
Score one for me too beeotch!
I want Tina Fey and Steve Martin to have a baby.
Tina Fey sucks.
Anon - Hey now! Them's fightin' words. (I'm still waiting for proof, by the way.)
Love that they got a Scientology dig in there.
Score another one for me, bitches!
(Though I think In Bruges should've won.)
That guy from those Pink Panther movies sure is funny!
3 for 3!
3, count them 3 scores for me! BTW, Slumdog, Tropic Thunder and Dark Knight are the only films I've seen this year. Slumdog effing rocked.
Really? I haven't seen it, but you're a trusted source. I should buy the hype?
Can't be any better than "Loverboy."
Senor Pizza!
I want Jennifer Aniston and me to have a baby.
4 for 5 so far.
Dammit, my first miss! I so had Presto for that one. That dude is NOT french!
That. Was. Awesome.
That's the acceptance speech to beat this year.
I'm actually quite surprised at the lack of comment concerning President Messiah. Maybe b/c he's already proven to be inept and in over his head?
Why must you be so negative? That's the last thing we need in these dark times!
I thought Pixar would sweep the animation categories, too. :(
I want Sarah Jessica Parker's boobies and me to have a baby.
I want Amanda Seyfriend and me...ah, forget it.
I think I AM having Robert Pattinson's vampire baby. It sucks the ever loving life out of me, makes me crave red meat, and makes my feet cold as ice...oh wait they were always like that. Anyway, vampire baby made me cry at that insipid crap. Damn you vampire baby and your father's fabulous hair!
Ben Stiller is awesome. He should have your baby Micah.
I would be open for that. Stupid Prop 8!
For those wondering, I'm 8 for 9 so far. Best Animated Short really threw me off my game.
WHY HASN'T WATCHMEN WON ANYTHING YET?
Man, now I'm gonna cry at this mastercard commercial. I suck.
I think there's something wrong with Jessica Biel's left boob. Or maybe it's just the dress...Would anyone prefer if she took it off?
NERDS!
Hey, Billy Crudup does the voicework for those Mastercard commercials. Wanna see his big blue penis for almost 3 hours? Watchmen!
How could I like her? She's *ugly*
I was not aware of that. I am intrigued by Watchmen, but am afraid it's just gonna be another sucky graphic novel rip-off.
Spydrz - HA!
Yeah, we'll see. It'll be hard to live up to the hype. I'm totally geeked out for the movie, though. I'm almost done reading the funnybook.
Yay! The Academy recognizes comedy!
Almost time to open my viognier.
I realize that I'm late to the party...but when I look up from my computer to the TV screen I don't want to see two men kissing. Blech.
This bit is funny. Except the dude's kissing. That was gross. I'm trying to eat my egg sandwich. I would have seth rogen's baby.
Go back to your cave, homophobe!
How's it going, Coleman? And, more importantly, who are you wearing?
So, what's the Joe Rogen Diet? I wanna get in on that action.
Ha ha...that should be the Seth Rogen Diet. But Joe's pretty ripped (at least he was on "NewsRadio").
Hey man, I'm all for dude's kissing - just not on my tv. And I'm all for chicks kissing - anywhere they want.
A question for the ages...why is chicks kissing hot and dudes kissing gross?
It's God's plan. Don't question it.
When Chicks kiss you agree with both of them...
Taken from that viewpoint, I am an avid consumer of gay cinema. Whodathunkit?
Mmmmm...Beyonce.
Beyonce kissing Salma Hayek.
There, I just blew your mind!
Isn't think just a retread of 1990's Green Card, starring that hunk Gérard Depardieu.
Depardieu was better in "My Father the Hero."
Oh wait, that was Katherine Heigl.
I could be in your driveway by now...
Hey, what's the dude from Snow Dogs doing on stage?
Good call, KPMD. If you were here, you would've been subjected to spydrz and my terrible Walken impressions.
You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!
I have a fever and the only prescription for it is...more cowbell!
"Heath could not be here tonight..."
Too soon?
Bill Maher looks like he's wearing a rubber suit.
Bill Maher is a douche. That is all.
The smugness factor in the room just increased tenfold when he took the stage. And that's no small feat considering the crowd.
How does Maher still have a tv show? He's just smarmy...like Chuck Schumer in a shiny suit.
He is douchetastic, no doubt.
Well, I'm 11 for 13 so far. What's doing me in? Short animated feature and short subject documentary.
I'm swearing off short films for the rest of my life. There goes that sex tape I planned on making.
That'd be a really short film!
ZING!
And I beat you to the ZING by making my quip self-depreciating. ZING!
Hey, here are some action movies that make us a ton of money, but we don't nominate!
Man! I've fallen behind Kate! Damn you Slumdog Millionare and your awesomeness!
I also have a problem with the shorts. Just ask Phil.
Well, it looks like it worked out well for you once, at least.
They are playing an Aimee Mann song as it cut's to commercial. How Random.
Michael Penn must have some sway with the Academy.
Oh sweet innocent Micah. Never confuse effective with good.
Hey, it's the guy from Meet Dave!
Wasn't he in that Bronson Pinchot vehicle? The one about the cop who went to an art gallery?
Serrrrrge?
"Yeah, and we're not gonna fall for a banana in the tailpipe."
I was never a fan of Lewis's comedy, but mad props for his work for MS.
But we still have no a release for The Day the Clown Cried. Call your Congressman!
This blows, I am totally falling behind.
But you're in comfortable position to win a prize and that's all that matters.
I'm going to clap extra loudly for Heath Ledger because he's the most popular dead dude.
I think Heath died last year (last Oscar year that is). I clapped extra loud for Paul Newman 'cuz I like his salad dressing.
Mmmm Fig Newmans
Oh, that's right. Shame about the deafening silence that fell when Charlton Heston was on the screen(s). Not totally unexpected, though.
Why the GWTW song?
I don't know what looks weirder, the feathers growing out of Nicole Kidman's boobs or Sophia Loren's botoxed face
I say it's a dead heat!
Maybe Sophia was auditioning to replace Heath Ledger as the Joker.
Too soon, dude, too soon.
I know Mickey Rourke didn't win, but can we hear his speech instead?
Mickey Rourke was robbed! If there wasn't a Prop 8 brouhaha last year, would Penn have won? Hmmmm.
Harvey Milk and William Wallace? You...have...got...to...be...kidding.
Big shock.
Well, I guess I'm getting Kate's sloppy seconds this year :( I'd gladly exchange my prize for seeing Micah and Spydrz recreating the dance scene from the end of Slumdog Millionaire.
Gran F-ING Torino!
Alright bitches, it's been real. Nowhere near as good as the epic blog of 2005, but it hit the spot. I'm off to bed to have naughty dreams about Robert Pattinson and Hugh Jackman.
Congratulations to Kate the Great and KPMD. For the benefit of those not in our Oscar pool, I tied for second place. Not too shabby.
Hugh Jackman did a good job. The first song and dance number was good. The second, not so much.
I do have to give kudos to Hollywood for not getting overly political tonight (Sean Penn excepted). You truly are courageous and fearless people...who get paid millions to play dress up and pretend.
But did anyone find it a touch funny that Penn praised Obama, that anti-gay marriage troglodyte?
Again, Mickey Rourke - and Clint Eastwood, for that matter - was robbed.
Thanks to everyone for stopping by tonight. All four of you. :)
Kinda paid attention to the first 20 minutes, made some dinner, watched "W." (snuh), and then came back for best actor and picture... congrats to anyone who actually made it through the whole telecast end to end!
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