My Christmas viewing marathon

Tonight sees the annual 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story on TBS. Sure, it's great and, if you add up all of the bits and pieces that I catch, I end up watching the film about 3 times. But this year I've come up with my own TV and movie marathon. It'll require a combination of DVDs, DVR recordings, and torrented files, so it may be a little late for you to collect all of the quality programming, but feel free to try it next year.

• A Christmas Story (8:00-9:30 pm) Of course, you've to start off with this classic.


• Elf (9:30-11:00 pm) Then you segue into a modern classic. "I just like to smile. Smiling is my favorite."


• "The Office" - "Christmas Party" (11:00-11:30 pm) About now, your attention span is waning, so this classic episode is in order.


• "30 Rock" - "Ludachristmas" (11:30-12:00 am) "Merry Jewish!"


• "Soundstage: Chris Isaak Christmas" (12:00-1:00 am) How about a little music?


• Santa Claus Conquers the Martians ("Mystery Science Theater 3000" version) (1:00-3:00 am) Now that it's late, the nutiness can begin...with Dropo, the laziest man on Mars.


• "Futurama" - "Xmas Story" (3:00-3:30 am) John Goodman voices the murderous SantaBot. 'Nuff said.


• "Futurama" - "A Tale of Two Santas" (3:30-4:00 am) Same SantaBot, different voice.


• "A Muppet Family Christmas" (4:00-5:00 am) At about this time of night/morning, the talking piles of felt are a bit surreal, huh? Watch out for that icey patch.


• Die Hard (5:00-7:00 am) WAKE UP!


• It's a Wonderful Life (7:00-10:00 am) Just because this is usually on when my family opens presents means you should watch it then, too.


• National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (10:00-12:00 pm) The exploits of the Griswalds and their extended family makes for the perfect accompaniment to the post-present opening come-down.


• "The Simpsons" - "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" (12:00-12:30 pm) Sure, the animation is crude and the voices are off, but this first ever episode of the series is sure to warm your cockles.


• Trading Places (12:30-2:30 pm) "I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro."


• "King of the Hill" - "Pretty, Pretty Dresses" (2:30-3:00 pm) Any show that can provide huge laughs from a Christmas suicide watch is tops in my book.


• About a Boy (3:00-5:00 pm) Rachel Weisz provides some much-needed eye candy for this marathon.


• Millions (5:00-7:00 pm) This movie provides the minimum daily requirement of Heartwarming Holiday Quirk.


• "South Park" - "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" (7:00-7:30 pm) Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny. He can be brown or greenish-brown.


• "A Charlie Brown Christmas" (7:30-8:00 pm) There's no better way to follow up a show about singing poop AND learn the true meaning of the season than watching The Best Christmas Special Of All Time.

Feel free to substitute in any of the following, if you wish: Go, Scrooged, "Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas"*, Trapped in Paradise, Love, Actually, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", Edward Scissorhands, and the Festivus episode of "Seinfeld."

Please note that all run times are approximate, thus ample consideration for bathroom/snack breaks has been given.

*The original animated TV special, not the movie that betrayed the whole spirit of the book.