"New Year's can suck it"

Or so said my friend in a text message. And I agree. I've never been a fan of this holiday. I was going to go to the celebration at Carytown, but that plan fell through (and I'm not too broken up about it since I'm still a bit under the weather). But I would like to take a second and pour some champagne on the ground for these things that I was into that "died" in 2007:

• Penn Jillette's Radio Show - I need more Monkey Tuesday!


• Stylus Magazine - Sure, it usually descended into hipsterness, but the writing was good and it exposed me to a lot of new music.


• Captain America - A popular comic book character never really dies, though. Just ask Superman.


• Doug Benson's "I Love Movies" podcast - Probably one of the funniest podcasts ever.


• The original Wendy's - I ate many a meal there during my law school years.

Au revoir, friends. Back to my glass of Bernheim, Superbad, and lack of a New Year's kiss.

Happy Boxing Day! Rock the Kwanzaa!

The Holidays just seem to keep on comin', don't they?

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you and yours a cool and refreshing Christmas.

My Christmas viewing marathon

Tonight sees the annual 24 hour marathon of A Christmas Story on TBS. Sure, it's great and, if you add up all of the bits and pieces that I catch, I end up watching the film about 3 times. But this year I've come up with my own TV and movie marathon. It'll require a combination of DVDs, DVR recordings, and torrented files, so it may be a little late for you to collect all of the quality programming, but feel free to try it next year.

• A Christmas Story (8:00-9:30 pm) Of course, you've to start off with this classic.


• Elf (9:30-11:00 pm) Then you segue into a modern classic. "I just like to smile. Smiling is my favorite."


• "The Office" - "Christmas Party" (11:00-11:30 pm) About now, your attention span is waning, so this classic episode is in order.


• "30 Rock" - "Ludachristmas" (11:30-12:00 am) "Merry Jewish!"


• "Soundstage: Chris Isaak Christmas" (12:00-1:00 am) How about a little music?


• Santa Claus Conquers the Martians ("Mystery Science Theater 3000" version) (1:00-3:00 am) Now that it's late, the nutiness can begin...with Dropo, the laziest man on Mars.


• "Futurama" - "Xmas Story" (3:00-3:30 am) John Goodman voices the murderous SantaBot. 'Nuff said.


• "Futurama" - "A Tale of Two Santas" (3:30-4:00 am) Same SantaBot, different voice.


• "A Muppet Family Christmas" (4:00-5:00 am) At about this time of night/morning, the talking piles of felt are a bit surreal, huh? Watch out for that icey patch.


• Die Hard (5:00-7:00 am) WAKE UP!


• It's a Wonderful Life (7:00-10:00 am) Just because this is usually on when my family opens presents means you should watch it then, too.


• National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (10:00-12:00 pm) The exploits of the Griswalds and their extended family makes for the perfect accompaniment to the post-present opening come-down.


• "The Simpsons" - "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" (12:00-12:30 pm) Sure, the animation is crude and the voices are off, but this first ever episode of the series is sure to warm your cockles.


• Trading Places (12:30-2:30 pm) "I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro."


• "King of the Hill" - "Pretty, Pretty Dresses" (2:30-3:00 pm) Any show that can provide huge laughs from a Christmas suicide watch is tops in my book.


• About a Boy (3:00-5:00 pm) Rachel Weisz provides some much-needed eye candy for this marathon.


• Millions (5:00-7:00 pm) This movie provides the minimum daily requirement of Heartwarming Holiday Quirk.


• "South Park" - "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" (7:00-7:30 pm) Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny. He can be brown or greenish-brown.


• "A Charlie Brown Christmas" (7:30-8:00 pm) There's no better way to follow up a show about singing poop AND learn the true meaning of the season than watching The Best Christmas Special Of All Time.

Feel free to substitute in any of the following, if you wish: Go, Scrooged, "Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas"*, Trapped in Paradise, Love, Actually, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", Edward Scissorhands, and the Festivus episode of "Seinfeld."

Please note that all run times are approximate, thus ample consideration for bathroom/snack breaks has been given.

*The original animated TV special, not the movie that betrayed the whole spirit of the book.

It's a Festivus miracle!

Happy Festivus!

ding dong merrily on highTunes

This years's "A Very Micah Christmas" mix is finished and mailed out, but a couple of people on my "Nice List" have not yet received it. In order for those unlucky souls to enjoy these songs on Christmas, I figured that I'd put the whole album up online. So, without further ado, here is the tracklisting:

1. "Holiday Road" - Matt Pond PA
2. "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" - Aimee Mann
3. "Mr. Heatmiser" - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
4. "Christmas Tree on Fire" - Holly Golightly
5. "A New Baby For Christmas" - George Jones
6. "Please, Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)" - John Denver
7. "Little Donkey" - The Boy Least Likely To
8. "O Little Town of Bethlehem" - Nat King Cole
9. "Mele Kalikimaka" - Chris Isaak
10. "Jingle Bell Rock" - Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass
11. "Christmas Is Going to the Dogs" - Eels
12. "Christmas in Killarney" - Bing Crosby
13. "Fairytale of New York" - Stars
14. "This Christmas I Spend With You" - Robert Goulet
15. "Christmas Is All Around" - Billy Mack
16. "The Christmas Massacre of Charlie Brown" - DJ John
17. "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" - Eddy Arnold
18. "Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!" - Dean Martin
19. "Hibernation Day" - Jars of Clay
20. "Baby, It's Cold Outside" - Leon Redbone & Zooey Deschanel
21. "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?" - Mindy Smith
22. "The Christmas Waltz" - Frank Sinatra
23. "Wonderful Christmastime" - Tom McRae
24. "Silent Night" - Sinead O'Connor
25. "Auld Lang Syne (December 24th)" - C.W. Morris
26. "Christmas Commercial" - John Baker

You can download them all in one compressed file here.

Keep in mind that the mp3 and AAC files are not tagged to play in the correct order (or even grouped in the same "album"), so you'll have to arrange them yourself if you burn them to disc or put them in a playlist.

Brrring! Brrrring! Hello, Cheese? No. Cheese can't dial a phone.

This morning I bought tickets for what is sure to be the Best Show of 2008: Michael Ian Black & Michael Showalter at Toad's Place. I've been a longtime fan of the State and think that "Stella" was one of the funniest TV shows ever. This should be one fun evening.

"Touche. You've made worm's meat of me."

...and a wookie in a pear tree.

This is two years old, but I just discovered it tonight. And it sure beats jingle dogs/cats.

Bonus Crush of the Week: Mary Elizabeth Ellis

This week's Bonus Crush is actress Mary Elizabeth Ellis, who plays the waitress on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." In real life she is married to Charlie from that show and, should Amy Poehler and Will Arnett suddenly meet horrible deaths, they will become out nation's preeminent Comedy Power Couple.



This week's regular Crush has caused a minor stir, so I figured that a palette cleansing was in order.

Crush of the Week: Rebecca Gayheart

This week's Crush is actress Rebecca Gayheart, a fixation of mine since the early 90s. I saw her on some entertainment news show tonight, but I was at the gym and the sound was down, so I have no clue what she was promoting.


Women in just sports jerseys? Yep, another thing of mine.

I haven't really followed her career, but she'll always be the Noxema Girl to me.

It's got electrolytes.

Well, we're one step closer to Idiocracy, folks. Brawndo - the sports drink that replaced water in that film - is now a real product available for purchase. It might be fun to try once, but the price is kind of steep for a novelty beverage ($39.95/case). But if you're itchin' to find out what it's like, the good folks at the Onion A.V. Club have got your answer.

If this product fails, there's always PowerThrist.

30 Rock tumbler

Tonight's episode of "30 Rock": "Ludachristmas"

It's holiday time and the staff of "TGS with Tracy Jordan" is having their annual "Luda Christmas" party - complete with music, merriment, "The Human Table" and a Horny Santa. Unfortunately, Tracy can't participate due to his newly court mandated alcohol monitoring bracelet. Since holidays mean special family time, Liz's parents, Dick and Margaret Lemon, and her 40-year-old brother Mitch, who suffers from memory loss due to a skiing accident and thinks he is 17-year-old high school senior, come to gloat over their "beautiful genius" daughter. Jack's jaded mother, Colleen, even shows up unexpectedly from Florida. The Lemons and the Donaghy’s go to dinner together, where Colleen spends the night trying to break the eternal optimism of the Lemon family. Meanwhile, in the spirit of Christmas cheer, Kenneth decides to teach the writing staff a lesson on gratitude by inviting a priest to the party.

This may be it for the season, folks.

Discuss.

Quick movie reviews

Fred Claus: A passable holiday movie, but nowhere near a modern classic like Elf. It was actually kind of weird seeing Vince Vaughn doing his Vince Vaughn thing, only toned down for the kiddies. Highlight of the movie: Elizabeth Banks in a sexy Santa outfit.

Hitman: More like Shitman. Okay, that was too easy. I got a free ticket to this with my Live Free or Die Hard DVD. Let's just say that I'm glad that I didn't pay for it. If they must make movies based on video games, why not adapt "Katamari Damacy"? That'd be wicked awesome.

Knocked Up: Worthy of the hype.

Transformers: Michael Bay raped my childhood. A movie about giant robots beating the snot out of each other could have been cool in the hands of a different director. Maybe one that lingered on a shot for more than five seconds or cared about the terrible dialogue in the script. And I didn't buy Megan Fox as a teenager.

Blades of Glory: I don't remember much about this one except that I laughed, but not as much as I usually do at Will Ferrell movies. That and Jenna Fischer is fine.

Grindhouse: Planet Terror/Death Proof: I really regret not seeing this in the theaters, with all of the fake trailers and whatnot. Initially, I thought that the whole machine-gun-for-a-leg thing was extremely stupid (actually, I still do), but Planet Terror was fast-paced, splattery and over the top...and I loved it. As for Death Proof, a line from Billy Madison sums up my feelings: "Talky, talky. No more talky." I wanted practically every long-winded character in this movie to die. Kurt Russell was great in it, though.

Thr3e: Like a made-for-TV Se7en. Avoid.

Year of the Dog: Cute flick. And Molly Shannon was actually tolerable in this, although I did want to slap her character silly. Two of my favorite actors - John C. Reilly and Peter Sarsgaard - gave fine performances.

Wild Hogs: As bad as you think it is.

Jingle jangle

Tonight sees the official release of my annual holly jolly mix - A Very Micah Christmas. This year's CD is chock full of aural ear candy from the likes of Dean Martin, Robert Goulet, Aimee Mann, and Stars, among many others. It is sure to instill a healthy Yuletide spirit in even the most cold-hearted Grinch.

If you're in the Richmond area, join me at the Corner Cafe for the official CD release party at 6:30 pm (it's early, but I gots to get home before "Dexter" starts). That's actually just a fancy way of saying that the album will be played in the bar while we eat and drink. There won't be any specials or freebies, but I may have an extra CD or two to give out. Just ask nicely (even if you are on the Naughty List).

Jonesin' for even more Christmas music? Then I recommend these music blogs: FaLaLaLaLa and Twelve Months of Christmas (the latter has a Christmas song by KITT!). And if you're feeling adventurous, check out the three volumes of Santastic - free downloadable Christmas mash-up albums compiled by dj BC - here, here, and here.

30 Rock tumbler

Tonight's episode of "30 Rock": "Secrets and Lies"

C.C. wants to go public with her relationship with Jack, but Jack is still very reluctant. Meanwhile, Liz continues to appease both Tracy and Jenna as stars of "TGS with Tracy Jordan." To pacify Tracy, Liz fakes a satellite transmission to accept an award from the Pacific Rim Emmys, and it infuriates Jenna. She goes "diva" on Liz by being late to rehearsals and hiring two personal assistants. Liz quells Jenna's temper by pulling a few tricks to make her feel special as well.

Discuss.

Happy Repeal Day!

"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems." - Homer Simpson

I would just like to wish everyone a very wet and wild Repeal Day. Unfortunately, I will be celebrating only in spirit (har har!), as I am on a strict, self-imposed restriction of alcohol and carbohydrates. Thankfully, it'll be only about a week and a half before I can have some sweet, sweet booze.

The post is made out of clay.

Here's a little Hanukkah Harry to kick off your Festival of Lights. I wanted to do a taste test of Jones Soda Company's Chanukah Pack, similar to what I did with their 2005 Holiday Pack, but none of the four Targets that I went to carried it*. Maybe it'll be on sale at Jones' site in a week and I'll just buy it then**. Anyway, to all the folks kickin' it old school, Happy Chanukah!



I'm not terribly familiar with "lol cats", but this shirt is pretty funny.

*Note to self: move to a town with more synagogues and temples.
**Good thing I'm not Jewish or I'd be a walking stereotype.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say, "C'mon!"

So far, my favorite Christmas ad of 2007 is this one from the Gap. Why? Because it features comedy power couple Will Arnett and Amy Poehler. In comfy sweaters. Looking goofy. If you have to go for an ad that doesn't use sex appeal (although this one clearly does since Poehler's in it...yummy), you might as well put Gob Bluth in it.