Crush of the Week: Maria Bello

This week's Crush is actress Maria Bello. In addition to starring in the award-winning Coyote Ugly, she recently portrayed an alcohol industry lobbyist in Thank You For Smoking. Yeah, I think it's the business suits in that one.



According to her IMDB entry, she practices Muay Thai (lethal) kickboxing. Awesome.

My new favorite hot beverage

Sugar-free chai lattes. Discuss.

How the hell am I supposed to get my Moe fix?

Columbus's daily "Simpsons" block: 5-6 pm.
Richmond's daily "Simpsons" block: 11:30 pm.

Frustrating. And when (if) I get a real job: very frustrating.

This game is witchcraft, I tells ya...

It's eerie how accurate this little ball is. It must've been forged by Lucifer himself.

Another fascist love song

The last fascist love song posting was such a hit (comment-wise, at least), that I figured that I'd post another one: "Two Little Hitlers" by Elvis Costello*...

Why are we racing to be so old?
I'm up late pacing the floor
I won't be told
You have your reservations
I'm bought and sold
I'll face the music
I'll face the facts
Even when we walk in polka dots and chequer slacks

Bowing and squawking
Running after titbits
Bobbing and squinting
Just like a nitwit

Two little Hitlers will fight it out until
One little Hitler does the other one's will
I will return
I will not burn
Down in the basement

I need my head examined
I need my eyes excited
I'd like to join the party
But I was not invited
You make a member of me
I'll be delighted

I wouldn't cry for lost souls, you might drown
Dirty words for dirty minds
Written in a toilet town

Dial me a Valentine
She's a smooth operator
It's all so calculated
She's got a calculator
She's my soft touch typewriter
And I'm the great dictator

(Chorus)

A simple game of self-respect
You flick a switch and the world goes off
Nobody jumps as you expect
I would have thought you would have had enough by now

You call selective dating
For some effective mating
I thought I'd let you down, dear
But you were just deflating

I knew right from the start
We'd end up hating
Pictures of the merchandise
Plastered on the wall
We can look so long as we don't have to talk at all

You say you'll never know him
He's an unnatural man
He doesn't want your pleasure
He wants as no one can
He wants to know the names of
All those he's better than

(Chorus)

I will return
I will not burn
(repeats)

Discuss.

*I've been importing EC's entire catlog - 36 discs! - into my iPod and rediscovered this little gem.

Quick movie reviews: "Thank You For Smoking" and "Millions"

Nick Naylor and Cancer Boy

Thank You For Smoking: Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. I'm calling it: Movie of the Year (in my view, not the Academy's; they've got that anti-comedy bias, you know). Certainly the best flick espousing personal responsibility. And it's hilarious. I finally bought the book, but I want to plow through The Da Vinci Code first (I'm halfway through that one).



DVD Pick: Millions This is a GREAT movie. Kinda funny that Danny Boyle directed this quirky, family-friendly tale (I'm not knocking Trainspotting; I love that film, but it includes copious amounts of profanity, sex, and drug use, not to mention a scene involving the most disgusting toilet in the UK; this movie has nary a curse word). I'm no Catholic, but I really liked how the main character would talk to the saints. And one scene towards the end was really throat lump-inducing (but didn't elicit waterworks of Big Fish-ian proportions).

Joe Camel ain't got shit on Fred Flintstone

Just in time for my viewing of Thank You For Smoking tonight, I discovered this old commercial featuring Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble shilling for Winston cigarettes. Ah, the good old days.

Credit due: Bureaucrash

A mutant superhero team made up of fecalphiliacs?

This was my verification word for a comment I posted today. And it made me laugh. I swear, I'm 8 years old in my head.

How do you make an insanely catchy song depressing?

Easy - just add Holocaust imagery. I recently bought ...Is a Real Boy (excellent album) by Say Anything and there's one great song - "Alive With the Glory of Love" - that is really catchy yet a bit of a downer:

When I watch you, wanna do you, right where you're standing yeah
Right on the foyer on this dark day right in plain view oh yeah
Of the whole ghetto, the boot-stomped meadows, but we ignore that yeah
You're lovely baby, this war is crazy, I won't let you down oh no say no
I won't let them take you, won't let them take you hell no no
I won't let them take you, won't let them take you hell no no
No no no no no
And when our city vast and shitty falls to the Axis
They'll search the buildings collect gold fillings wallets and rings
But Miss Black Eyeliner you look finer with each day in hiding oh yeah
You're lovely baby this war is crazy, I won't let you die oh no no
No I won't let them take you, won't let them take you hell no no
Oh no I won't let them take you, won't let them take you
Treblinka is alive with the glory of love
Treblinka, alive with the glory of love yea
When they catch us and dispatch us to separate work camps yeah
I'll think about you I will not doubt you with the passing of time
And when they kill me your love will fill me with every bullet
I'll know my purpose this all was worth this I won't let you down
I won't let them take you, won't let them take you hell no no
No I won't let them take you, won't let them take you hell no no

It's as if Oskar Schindler made an indie record. I'd post an mp3, but you can download it directly from the band's site (under the "media" section).

Crush of the Week: Kristin Chenoweth

This week's Crush is actress, singer, and Miss Oklahoma runner-up Kristin Chenoweth. I always thought she was cute in those Old Navy commercials. (I actually dig her voice)



I was watching "The Tonight Show" last night (because Jack Bauer was on) and she was a guest. She just seems so...effervescent. And she can belt out the opera, too. She almost makes me want to watch "The West Wing"*. Almost. Don't think I'll be seeing RV, though. But sign me up for her Dusty Springfield movie.

*I've only seen one episode - the very preachy one that aired right after 9/11. Not my cup of tea.

Sunshine and sea air, palm trees, martinis

Hey, folks. I know exactly what you want: beach pics.


The view from the house.


Little Kahuna.


My brother or Harry Dunne?


My neice sporting her new spring look.


Obligatory Sadie picture.


Just a heads-up: everyone's getting Gay Cowboy t-shirts for Christmas.


The classic game of global domination.


As far a children's programs go, "Bob the Builder" isn't that bad.

And a few notes (from the OH and NC trips):

• You'd think I'd learn after dangerously pushing the limit of the "yo, you need gas right now" light while in the boonies. But you'd be wrong. I did it twice.
  
• Sufjan Stevens' Illinois? Es bueno.
  
• Diet Dr. Pepper Berries 'n' Vanilla Cream? No es bueno. Es mal. ES MAL!
  
• Coke Blak? Interesting.
  
• Captain Morgan's Tattoo? Scrumtrulescent!
  
• It's good to be home, but the one bookstore in town* didn't have Thank You For Smoking. That put a wrench in my beach reading plans.
  
• Arranging all of my stuff in my brother's old room (my old room is currently a play/nap area for my niece) kind of reminds me of setting up a dorm room. Weird.

Well, not much else is going on. Anyone have a job for me?

*It's a sad comment on the Tri-Cities area (Colonial Heights, Hopewell, Petersburg) when the "bookstores" section of the phone book contains only 4 or 5 listings, none of them relevant (comic book stores, junior college bookstores).

Micah World Top 25

Here they are, the top 25 songs burning up my iPod (as of 4.17.06):

1. "Knock Yourself Out" - Jon Brion
2. "All The Pretty Girls Leave Town" - Tim Easton
3. "88 Lines About 44 Women" - The Nails
4. "Jesusland" - Ben Folds
5. "Lua" - Bright Eyes
6. "Bad Things" - Jace Everett
7. "You Are What You Love" - Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
8. "William and Nancy's Parting" - John Wesley Harding
9. "Absolutely Cuckoo" - The Magnetic Fields
10. "Why Don't You Get a Job" - The Offspring
11. "Adrenaline!" - The Roots
12. "Death Valley Queen" - Flogging Molly
13. "Goodnight Goodnight" - Hot Hot Heat
14. "Handle With Care" - Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
15. "Merry-Go-Round" - John Wesley Harding
16. "Love's Reign of Terror" - John Wesley Harding
17. "Goth Girl" - John Wesley Harding
18. "Tribulations" - LCD Soundsystem
19. "Rational Bohemian" - Mary Prankster
20. "Regret" - New Order
21. "Let's Kill Saturday Night" - Robbie Fulks
22. "How To Be Dead" - Snow Patrol
23. "Troublesome Kind" - Tim Easton
24. "Mr. Bad Example" - Warren Zevon
25. "Merely a Man" - XTC

A lot of new additions compared to the last count, mainly because I had the iPod on continuous shuffle during Beach Week (and I played JWH's entire catalog). Today I received Elvis Costello's My Flame Burns Blue (recorded live with the Metropole Orkest at the North Sea Jazz Festival) as an Easter present from my mom - along with We Love Katamari, which will no doubt consume my life as much as the first game - and it includes a great reworking of his "Watching the Detectives". Will it enter the countdown? Stay tuned.

Happy Easter!

"Sweet Zombie Jesus!"

Hey, y'all! I'm back with tales of adventure and I'll post 'em later (as I have a wifi connection that I'm piggybacking off of - hey, it's not my fault that they aren't securing the signal). Hope you are with kith and kin, celebrating Jesus' resurrection in an appropriate manner (as I'm doing by immersing myself in TV Land's "What's Happening" marathon).

Project SYFLOM

Hey, folks. Upset that there was no Crush or News Round-Up this week? Well, get used to it as I engage in Project SYFLOM*. Lately I have been preoccupied with dismantling and boxing up the past 4.5 years of my life. Today I am changing my base of operations and moving back to Virginia to better my professional, financial, and personal lives. That's right - I'm fulfilling every 30 year old's dream and moving back in with the folks.

I will not have a regular internet connection down there, so my posting will be less frequent. Additionally, I'll be in the Outer Banks with the fam all next week, so there'll be no updates at all during that period. Please bear with me during this transition. That is all.

*Sort your fuckin' life out, mate.

Happy Tartan Day!

Happy Tartan Day!


Veritas vincit

Above is my tartan - Clan Keith. Didn't know I was a warrior poet, did you?

Tonight's dinner menu: pop

Hey, folks. Sorry for the lack of blog lately - I've been tearing apart the house a.k.a. packing. One thing I came across was the 2005 Jones Soda Holiday Pack, which I got for Christmas.


Holiday meal flavored pop. Costanza looks on.

Despite the fact that the set is (at least) four months old, I decided to chill and taste it. All for your sick amusement. First course: Brussel sprouts.


Brussel sprout soda.

Until now, the worst beverage that I've ever imbibed was some absinthe Shamrock gave me over New Year's. We have a new champion. I like Brussel sprouts. I HATED this soda. Dear sweet Lord, it tasted buttery! Next course: Wild herb stuffing.


Wild herb stuffing soda.

If this is what those Stove Top folks were selling, those kids in the commercials would be skipping dinner rather than doubling up (gluttons). Next course: Cranberry.


Cranberry soda.

Not terrible. It tasted like carbonated cranberry juice. Next course: Turkey and gravy.


Turkey and gravy soda.

I didn't like it, but at least it wasn't the Brussel sprouts again. Last course: Pumpkin pie.


Pumpkin pie soda.

Pumpkin is the best variety of pie, hands down. Okay, maybe key lime is best. But, I digress. Initially, I was taken aback by how the Jones people simulated the taste so closely. I swear I tasted crust. But then came the aftertaste. I don't feel so well.

Overall, these sodas were disgusting. I didn't finish any of them. If I can pull myself up off of the couch, I'm going to make a real dinner now. And then do my taxes (which should be tons more enjoyable).

(BTW, don't fall in love with the beard, as it's coming off next week. I'm sick of it and my brother thinks it's funny if I have Fun With Facial Hair - like donning some wicked Neil Young-esque sideburns.)

Walking on sunshine

Packing up my crap is dominating my time and I have very little to blog about. Today I've been rocking out to the Living in Oblivion 80's compilation series (which I whittled down to just the best 21 songs for my iPod). I mean, you can't argue with the kick-assness of:

"Love Plus One"
"Mexican Radio"
"The Politics of Dancing"
"Under the Milky Way"*
"Major Tom (Coming Home)"
"88 Lines About 44 Women"
"Tenderness"
"Life in a Northern Town"

...among many others. I love the 80's.

*I may be taken to task for this belief, but I am of the opinion that this has the best bagpipe solo of any song produced in the 1980's.

Micah World Top 25

Here they are, the top 25 songs burning up my iPod (as of 4.01.06):

1. "Knock Yourself Out" - Jon Brion
2. "All the Pretty Girls Leave Town" - Tim Easton
3. "Jesusland" - Ben Folds
4. "Bad Things" - Jace Everett
5. "Absolutely Cuckoo" - The Magnetic Fields
6. "Why Don't You Get a Job" - The Offspring
7. "Lua" - Bright Eyes
8. "Death Valley Queen" - Flogging Molly
9. "You Are What You Love" - Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
10. "William and Nancy's Parting" - John Wesley Harding
11. "Tribulations" - LCD Soundsystem
12. "Rational Bohemian" - Mary Prankster
13. "Regret" - New Order
14. "Troublesome Kind" - Tim Easton
15. "Mr. Bad Example" - Warren Zevon
16. "Merely a Man" - XTC
17. "Ap's Intro" - Apathy
18. "Listen to the Rhythm" - Aphrodite
19. "War on Drugs" - Barenaked Ladies
20. "If You Find Yourself Caught in Love" - Belle & Sebastian
21. "Adam and Lorraine" - Ben & Jason
22. "Don't Ask Me Why" - Billy Joel
23. "Fall Back Down" - Candy Butchers
24. "Hang on Mike" - Candy Butchers
25. "The Greatest" - Cat Power

Not too much new at the top from the last time, but some notable debuts.