Better living through self-medication

What's that, bottle of Speyburn? You want me to drink you? Well, you're the boss.

Cinderella boy...

Blog buddy panthergirl's son Lucas will be featured on the "CBS Saturday Early Show" tomorrow morning promoting his Katrinia fundraiser. He'll be at a driving range, hitting 130+ yard drives for donations of $1 or more (he's raised $400 thus far). Look for him during Ira Joe Fisher's weather reports and then interviewed (along with his mom) around 8:45 am.

The real Mick was at home watching "Murder She Wrote"

A man impersonating Mick Jagger enjoyed the perks of being a Rolling Stone when he went to a NYC night club recently. He got free drinks and security and even spent 10 minutes in the ladies' room with three women before leaving. Club officials realized that they'd been hoodwinked after examining a photo and seeing that the imposter was younger and heavier than Mick.

Why is this news? I routinely pretend to be a relaxed-fit John Mayer (or a relatively svelte Meat Loaf) in order to get primo trim.

"I'm paying good money, so lay off the 'Lion King' crap."

In its annual Christmas Book, retailer Neiman Marcus offers you the chance to purchase a private concert by Elton John for $1.5 million.

In related news, Big Lots now lists a performance by Rick Astley that will set you back $20, a sandwich, and a swig from your drink.

Crush of the Week: Faith Hill

This week's Crush is country/pop singer Faith Hill. I'm really not a big fan of her music, although I own her Faith album - soley for the infectious "This Kiss" (really, any pop song that uses the term "centrifugal motion" in its chorus is tops with me). If I were to have a personal karaoke playlist, this'd be on it. Too bad I don't have one. But I digress. Faith's definitely a looker. Since I didn't have a Crush last week, you get two pictures.


Country chicks: love 'em.

Ah, what the hell - here's another. I think she looks best with short hair.


It's - ahhh - subliminal.

I've been patiently waiting out her marriage to Tim McGraw. It's taking freakin' forever. Why can't she take a page from the Zellweger playbook?

Chernobyl, Inc.

Cool Commercial Alert: Check out the TV spot put out by nuclear energy provider Areva (click on "The Film"). It reminds me of Sim City and the Sims, set to "Funky Town."

Duh.

I hate to post about this again, but here is the cover of the latest People magazine:



A good starting point for the cause would be: "They knew each other for only a few months before dating getting engaged entering into the institution of marriage."

It's funny how some people are shocked by the split. I'd read the article, but I'm usually burnt out after the magazine's migraine-inducing crossword puzzle (42 Down: Puff ___ Magic Dragon).

My night at the Fair

On my last night in Richmond I went to the Virginia State Fair with the fam. Based on the state fairs that I've been to (VA and OH), it is always a great place to see how "the other half" lives. Case in point:



My nephew's on this ride somewhere.



Don't prejudge the fine residents of the Commonwealth based on the merchandise sold at the Fair. They aren't all rednecks. Just a whole lot of them.



Me with a big-ass turkey leg. Fetch me a flagon of something cool and refreshing.



The night was capped off at the pig races.



Surprisingly, I didn't eat anything fried or on a stick (or fried on a stick). Even so, I think I'm good for another year.

Tiny House

Just an overnight pitstop in Lexington, VA, for MandaPanda's 25th birthday party. Here's a couple of more pics:



This professor's name is humorous on three levels.



My niece locked me in her Tiny House.

The biggest little whitebread strip-mall community in the world

Through the generosity of a new (to me, at least) Panera in my hometown, I can simultaneously blog, eat broccoli and cheese soup - in a sourdough breadbowl! - and sip iced green tea.

The job fair was okay, but there wasn't too much that I was qualified for or wanted (sales? please.). I spoke to a couple of company reps that interested me, though. It wasn't a total bust: I got to gawk at co-eds all dressed up in business suits. So, yeah, it was totally worth it.

And I escaped the school's bookstore without spending a dime, which hasn't happened in years. Usually when I go there, I buy tons of Richmond stuff like I'm stocking up for Y2K.

But does your school have its own water?



Jealous?

"Arrested Development" is back and I'm happy to say that it's as funny as ever. The same goes for "The Office." And "My Name Is Earl" turned out to be as enjoyable as I thought it would.

Last night was dinner with Dad and I had Virginia's best barbecue.

Today is a fun-filled day of going to Bubba's for a haircut, getting my car waxed (thanks to secret shopper Spydrz), and visiting my sister, brother-in-law, and niece.

Friday night will be a family outing to the Virginia State Fair. I hope I don't lose my shirt on the pig races again this year. I swear I thought Jean Claude Van Ham was due for a win last time.

Temporarily out of service

Well, in a few minutes I'll be heading south to Virginia (which is for lovers, incidentally), to spend some time with kith and kin. And possibly find a job. Blogging will be quite sporadic for the next week. Feel free to browse the archives. Or not.

Avast ye, blog reader

I can't believe it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day again. It seems like it gets here earlier and earlier every year.

I'm reminded of my favorite pirate joke: Have you heard about the new pirate movie? It's rated Arrrrrrrrrr.

It was funnier a few years ago when there was no actual pirate movie on the horizon.

But where does he stand on showing you where the campus is?

Micah World Exclusive: Through my confidential White House sources, I have learned that President Bush's next Supreme Court nominee will be Gutter.


"I didn't exhale."

Insiders say that while his association with Mersh and Kosmo hurts him, he's redeemed by his membership in the P-Funk All-Stars.

The Quintessential Autumn Album (at least to me)

As we enter autumn, there's one album that perfectly embodies the season (at least to me): Elvis Costello's 2003 jazzy classical (or classically jazz) North. From the laid back string and piano-laden music and lyrical imagery ("I trampled through the amber and the burnished gold") to the album artwork and leaf-strewn videos on the bonus DVD, it just feels like fall. It is a song cycle that chronicles the falling apart of his marriage and then his finding a new love (Diana Krall). The immediate pop hooks of Costello's previous work aren't here, but it is a rewarding listen nonetheless (other reviews and articles).

Included on the album is possibly my favorite Elvis Costello song - "Still":

These few lines I'll devote
To a marvelous girl covered up in my coat
Pull it up to your chin
I'll hold you until the day will begin

Still
Lying in the shadows this new flame will cast
Upon everything we carry from the past
You were made of every love and each regret
Up until the day we met
There are no words that I'm afraid to hear
Unless they are "Goodbye, my dear"
Still

I was moving very fast but in one place
Now you speak my name and set my pulse to race
Sometimes words may tumble out but can't eclipse
The feeling when you press your fingers to my lips

I want to kiss you in a rush
And whisper things to make you blush
And you say, "Darling, hush, hush
Still, still"

So buy it, download it, or get it from the library. Then put on some coffee, bundle up, and give it a listen.

(Hooray for me: I just found - through illegitmate means - the import-only bonus tracks "North," "Impatience," and "Too Blue")

It was a good day

When my TV alarm came on this morning, Bill Clinton was being interviewed on the "Today Show." I thought, "oh great, it's going to be one of those days." But it wasn't.

I received a notification that I won a copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy DVD (courtesy of Columbus Alive).

I realized that I could afford to take next week off, head South, and visit my family. And go to a career fair.

I made some great whole wheat linguini for dinner.

P.J. O'Rourke will be on tonight's "Real Time with Bill Maher."

And Tony Blair announced at Clinton's international event that the Kyoto Treaty is a bad thing.

Not a bad day, really.

You had me at "maybe we rushed into this."

After four months of marriage, Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney have taken up residence in Splitsville. They had known each other for only a few months before getting hitched. Why didn't this union survive? That's a real head-scratcher.

The once and future Miss Jones stated that the reason for the split was "fraud." Now I'm really curious.

I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

I've pretty much given up on the notion that I'll find any type of love or compainionship in this cold, barren world, so I need to find something to fill that black void. I'm not at a good point in my life to get a pet right now, so getting a dog's not an option (currently). The usual standby of "buying a ton of new CDs and DVDs" won't work since I'm trying to limit my spending, in anticipation for the move. Maybe a hobby. But what?

It hit me at the grocery store when I was stuck in line right next to the tobacco counter: smoking! Cigarettes aren't my thing (although I am vehemently anti-smoking ban). I dig the occasional cigar, but would like to try something new. One of my favorite professors in college smoked a pipe and his office always smelled great. I was very happy in college. A pipe! It makes total sense.

Now I just need to figure out how to take the plunge. And to control my snickering when I read the phrase "packing my pipe." In addition to the myriad of health benefits, I think it would be a nice accessory for my new brown corduroy blazer, which makes me look like an associate English or history professor.

Or maybe I'll just buy a ton of new CDs and DVDs.

Instead of breastfeeding, she's going to feed him Miracle Whip sandwiches and Kool-Aid

Britney Spears gave birth to her baby today, via C-section. I guess the trucker cap and cigarette wouldn't pass through her birth canal.

EDIT: Although the jokes about Baby Spears pretty much write themselves, the funniest one was "The Soup"'s suggested name for the kid: I.M. Legitimate Federline the First.

Crush of the Week: Zooey Deschanel

This week's Crush is actress Zooey Deschanel. I thought she was really cute in Elf and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. But that's just me.



Better than last week's Crush? Discuss.

New TV shows!

The fall TV season is finally here. "The Simpsons" started early (woo-hoo!). More "Family Guy" (freakin' sweet!). Suprisingly, there's not a new "Law & Order" or "CSI" spin-off. Anyway, there's several shows that I'm interested in, but it's kind of hard to get involved in a series knowing that some networks (*cough*FOX*cough*) will cancel them after 4 or 5 episodes if they don't pull in good ratings. So, here's what I'll be giving a chance:

"Rome" (HBO) - Next to mythology, history was the best part of Latin class. Loves me a good Roman epic (going to pick up the Ben-Hur DVD this week, in fact), so I'm in. Unwatched episodes in the DVR: 3.

"Prison Break" (FOX) - Interesting premise and good buzz. Unwatched episodes in my DVR: 4.

"The Showbiz Show with David Spade" (Comedy Central) - DS doing what he does best: sarcastically rips on celebs.

"Kitchen Confidential" (FOX) - I love the Anthony Bourdain book that this was based on.

"How I Met Your Mother" (CBS) - The return of Doogie Howser. The latest issue of Entertainment Weekly included a DVD with this show's pilot, along with the first episode of...

"Everybody Hates Chris" (UPN) - Chris Rock's funny when he's not in movies. Now I just need to figure out which channel is UPN.

"Reunion" (FOX) - Trashy night-time soap, I'm sure, but what the hell. Unwatched episodes in my DVR: 1.

"My Name Is Earl" (NBC) - Jason Lee is my favorite He's-Too-Cool-To-Be-A-Scientologist-But-He-Is-One celebrity. Brodie is a hero of mine, so I'll check it out.

"Head Cases" (FOX) - Crazy lawyers? Yep.

Sounds like a lot of shows, right? Well, most of them won't survive the season, I'm sure. At least I still have "24," "Scrubs," and "Arrested Development."

One to Avoid: "The War at Home." I gave it a shot because I dig Michael Rapaport. Despite his presence and his TV wife's nice rack, it SUCKED. Note to network execs: I know when I should laugh. A laugh track is not needed.

Doesn't Look Interesting, But...: "Commander in Chief". I'm only recording this because part of it was filmed at the Best College Ever.

The power of Christ compels you...to see this movie

I like the occasional horror flick. And most movies that feature demonic possession, Satanism and the like scare the bejesus out of me (Satanism + little kids = CREEPY). The Exorcist? Forget it. Scary as hell. The Omen - It still freaks me out. Even Rosemary's Baby gives me the willies. I've had the Showtime movie Possessed (about the case The Exorcist was based on) sitting in my DVR for months now, but can't bring myself to watch it.

I'm torn about The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I want to see it, yet there's that whole I'm-a-wuss thing. Heck, I quickly change the channel when one of the movie's TV spots comes on. But I've got a morbid fascination with the subject.

I wonder if I can persuade the theater manager to leave the lights on.

Might I suggest...

Just some things (old and new) that have been honkin' my bobo lately...



The 40 Year-Old Virgin - This is the funniest movie of the summer (even better than Wedding Crashers). Co-writer/director Judd Apatow brings consistent laughs, yet there's also a heart to it and it never treats Steve Carell's character with derision, which would've been easy to do in lesser hands. Plus, it has one of the single best movie posters ever.

More Adventurous by Rilo Kiley - Move over Postal Service and Jude, this is the latest album that I'm obsessing over.

Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story by Chuck Klosterman - He's produced a rock 'n' roll On the Road, musing on pop culture and the women in his life while taking a cross-country trip to various musician death sites. A great read.

"It's a Fine Day (ATB mix)" by Miss Jane - Why am I constantly playing this technopop song from 2000? Nostalgia, mostly.

"It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" - Finally, a sitcom not afraid to have its late-twentysomething characters pick up women at abortion rallies, dress up like Nazis, and date high school students. I hope this gets picked up for a second season.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith - The movie's just okay, but check it out so you can spend two hours gawking at the most beautiful woman in Hollywood looking the best she's ever looked.

Fantastic Four - Similar to the above, only substitute Jessica Alba. The film's got problems, but Michael Chiklis (aka The Commish) rules.

"P Control" by Prince - His best strip club song. Period.

Late Registration by Kanye West - Huge ego and inappropriate political grandstanding aside, the guy's made another gem (with the help of producer/composer Jon Brion). Just try to get the beats for "Gold Digger" or "Heard 'Em Say" out of your head. I dare you.

Kissing Bill O'Reilly, Roasting Miss Piggy : 100 Things to Love and Hate About TV by Ken Tucker - The former Entertainment Weekly critic takes the medium way too seriously. I love this book.

222 by Patton Oswalt - The uncut, full-length, drunken set his "proper" stand-up CD was culled from. Hilarious. Get it before it's gone forever.

Autumn - It's about time.

Longhorned

It's official: Ohio State will lose tonight's huge match-up against Texas, 21-20. How do I know? Well, the two teams just duked it out in "EA Sports NCAA Football 2004" and the Buckeyes lost in overtime. To be fair, they may turn it around because I don't think Jim Tressel will call a boneheaded play like going for a punt rather than an extra point in overtime (something a confused Micah did while frantically pressing buttons). Also, OSU's been practicing for months now whilst I haven't even picked up this game in at least a year.

EDIT, 11:37 pm. Well, that sucks.

In other video game news, I have yet to get confirmation, but I heard that "NHL 06" comes with the ability to play the Greatest Game Ever - "NHL 94" (you know - the one the guys play in Swingers and the bane of my existence freshman year). If that is true, then I will most definitely have to pick this game up once funds become available.

"And the Kanye Award for Most Uniformed Diatribe goes to..."

Because I have no social life (hovering around the poverty line will do that to you), I'll be watching the multi-network "Shelter from the Storm" telethon tonight. The producers don't plan on stopping any political statements, should an artist deviate from the script.

I'll be playing my own little drinking game. One shot for any apparel with a political message on it. Two shots for verbal statements. I'll drink a whole keg if anyone says, "Kathleen Blanco doesn't care about black people." (Face it - that ain't gonna happen.)

EDIT: Whoops! I missed the first 20 minutes, thinking it was going to start at 9. Did I miss anything?

But I hear his math SAT score was off the charts

Yesterday at work Jack Johnson's "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing" came on my MP3 player:

I sang your songs, I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
But putting up with them
Wasn't worth never having you

I'm still trying to wrap my noodle around that last line.

Crush of the Week: Northern State

This week's Crushes are the ladies of Northern State - Hesta Prynn, Sprout and Spero. Much like my Dirty Librarian Fetish, I've got a thing for Alternative Chicks (the mind boggles: Any funky piercings? Do they get all crazy and do it missionary?). Based on their rhymes, I don't think I agree with many of their political views, but that just makes our relationship that much more caliente.


Girls for all seasons.

I mean, really - any group that can rhyme "anus" and "champagne us" is way cool. Plus, they are down with both ?uestlove and the High & Mighty, which means they are okay in my book.

More On Trivia

I became an avid listener of Glenn Beck's radio show last year after I got burnt out on Howard Stern's incessant tirades against Bush and the FCC (valid points, but where was the comedy?). One of the features of Beck's program that I like is "More On Trivia", which coincides with the NFL season. Every Friday he calls convience store employees located in each city that is playing in the week's Monday Night Football game and asks them questions about politics, current events, and other stuff. Well, it started up again today and was quite funny (Q: "What is the acronym for the Federal Emergency Management Agency?" A: "Uh, the FBI."). He'll be playing it again tomorrow.

And for those who'd like to help out the victims of Katrina, but would also like to get something in return, check out Beck's disaster relief auction. There's some pretty cool stuff listed

Requiem for Maynard G. Krebs

R.I.P. Bob Denver, 1935-2005.


Island ghetto blaster.

You're smoking a bowl in a better place now, little buddy.

New addition to the fam

There's a new member of my family: a 4 month old pomeranian. My mom, who has a proclivity towards ankle-biting breeds, got him last week.



I unwittingly named him by calling him "Buddy" the first time that I saw him. Little does my mom know that I refer to all pets as "buddy" when I don't know their names. But she liked it, so the name stuck.

And what is my Grandma's dog Sonny's reaction to having a puppy in the house? This picture speaks volumes:



He's less than thrilled. And demonically possessed, I think.

The second most wonderful time of the year

"We can spell."

It's back! Recent events have made college football seem pretty trivial (and in the grand scheme of things, it really is), but I'm glad it's back - if only to provide a temporary diversion. I'm going to settle in for a full day of pigskin goodness, with a break only to shower and exchange something at Old Navy. Go Buckeyes and Spiders!

But this is all just a warm-up until college basketball starts.

I pushed back the start of the online pool until next week since one of our players forgot to make his picks before he left to be in a wedding this weekend. So if anyone wants to be included, I'll send you the info on how to join (hey, it's free - what have you got to lose?).

EDIT to add that Channel 6's Anne Allred looked so damn cute in her OSU baby tee during the pre-game show. I can see a restraining order in my future.

My question is this...

Did Full Effek get out of New Orleans safely? The country needs their music now more than ever.

That's equivalent to almost a half hour in the VIP Room

It cost $42 to fill up my car today. That's almost a day's worth of work (after taxes - yeah, it's a shitty job). But as bad as I think that I have it, my dad's got to be hurting. Earlier this year he bought a Ford Excursion, which has a 44 gallon gas tank. Using the Official Micah World Gas Price Calculator, at today's price ($3.09 9/10 per gallon) it would cost him $136.56 to gas up. Youch!

Lyrics of the Day

I've been on a major Pulp kick lately.

You want someone to screw your brains out
I'd say they're running out of time
And they'd only go and cut themselves on the
The daggers of your mind
-"Bob Lind (The Only Way Is Down)"

Jarvis Cocker brings it.

EDIT to add this gem:

Without you my life has become
A hangover without end
A movie made for TV
Bad dialogue, bad acting, no interest
Too long with no story and no sex
-"TV Movie"