This week's Crush is actress Rachel Weisz. Sure, she's been in some clunkers (the dreadful Envy), but she's also in one of my all-time faves (About a Boy). Plus, she's got nice boobies.
"My britches are showing."
She's got a new movie out, but it doesn't look all that appealing to me. Personally, I think that Hollywood's using Evil Corporations as the standard go-to bad guys (replacing Neo-Nazis of undetermined European origin) is played out.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Looks like I'm due for a few lifestyle changes
Recently I've been trying to whittle down my Archives (a.k.a. HUGE stacks of magazines that have piled up in my office) and came across this little nugget in an old issue of Esquire:
Things a Man Should Never Do Past the Age of 30
"Once it hits your lips it's so good."
Bring his mitt to a professional baseball game. * Turn boxers inside out and wear them for two more days. * TIVO "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County." * Use Dial soap as shampoo. * Yell, "Run, Forrest, Run!" at someone in the airport trying to catch his plane. * Eat cereal endorsed by a cartoon character. * Channel Frank the Tank. * Put his face between a woman's breasts and make a gurgling motorboat sound. * Use a crunk song for his cell phone ring. * Googlewhack. * Refer to either his friends or his testes as "my boys." * Refer to his "boys" as "Chang and Eng." * Devise secret handshakes. * Use sports metaphors for sex. * Use sex metaphors for sports. * Refer to Latina women as mamasitas. * Dry hump. * Have a welcome mat in front of his home that says, "Fuck Off." * Watch past the end credits for the Adam Sandler "gag reel." * Order Long Island iced teas. * Teach foreign speakers that the way to ask for directions in English is "Will you tickle my man snake?" * Drink beer out of a helmet. * Wear a T-shirt with a rhino on it that says, "I'm Horny." * Let a magazine tell him he's too old to do dumb shit."
Well, damn. There's no way I'm giving up my Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch.
Shifting gears, has anyone picked up the new Kanye West CD? My level of interest in it skyrocketed when I found out that Jon Brion (composer of the Eternal Sunshine and Huckabees movie scores, as well as producer for Amiee Mann and Fiona Apple) co-produced the album. How the hell did those two get together?
(I think I'm putting the Free Music Tuesday thing on hold for a while. Aside from THSE, there doesn't seem to be any interest in it.)
Things a Man Should Never Do Past the Age of 30
"Once it hits your lips it's so good."
Bring his mitt to a professional baseball game. * Turn boxers inside out and wear them for two more days. * TIVO "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County." * Use Dial soap as shampoo. * Yell, "Run, Forrest, Run!" at someone in the airport trying to catch his plane. * Eat cereal endorsed by a cartoon character. * Channel Frank the Tank. * Put his face between a woman's breasts and make a gurgling motorboat sound. * Use a crunk song for his cell phone ring. * Googlewhack. * Refer to either his friends or his testes as "my boys." * Refer to his "boys" as "Chang and Eng." * Devise secret handshakes. * Use sports metaphors for sex. * Use sex metaphors for sports. * Refer to Latina women as mamasitas. * Dry hump. * Have a welcome mat in front of his home that says, "Fuck Off." * Watch past the end credits for the Adam Sandler "gag reel." * Order Long Island iced teas. * Teach foreign speakers that the way to ask for directions in English is "Will you tickle my man snake?" * Drink beer out of a helmet. * Wear a T-shirt with a rhino on it that says, "I'm Horny." * Let a magazine tell him he's too old to do dumb shit."
Well, damn. There's no way I'm giving up my Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch.
Shifting gears, has anyone picked up the new Kanye West CD? My level of interest in it skyrocketed when I found out that Jon Brion (composer of the Eternal Sunshine and Huckabees movie scores, as well as producer for Amiee Mann and Fiona Apple) co-produced the album. How the hell did those two get together?
(I think I'm putting the Free Music Tuesday thing on hold for a while. Aside from THSE, there doesn't seem to be any interest in it.)
Monday, August 29, 2005
Kudos to Costas
Stale news, but worth a mention: occasional Larry King Live fill-in Bob Costas recently refused to host an episode of the show centered around that missing chick in Aruba. I applaud him for his decision not to be a part of the media frenzy surrounding the latest missing attractive (white) woman. Sure, it is a tragedy for the girl's loved ones and I'm aware of the demands of programming in a world of 24 hour news channels, but why does this command so much airtime? Not to sound insensitive, but it has absolutely no bearing on my life and I'm sure there are other newsworthy events that actually have an impact on most people's lives that are going un- or underreported. But as long as the hausfraus (admittedly, like my mom and grandma) are eating these kinds of stories up, they won't go away. And Greta van Susteren's show will continue to be unwatchable.
Speaking of her, here's a funny exchange from the "Daily Show" last week (video here - it's at the 4:56 mark):
Ed Helms: It reminds me of this woman (picture of Greta), who tragically lost her daughter in Aruba, and has been down there ever since trying to find out what happened.
Jon Stewart: Ed, that was Greta Van Susteren, she's a newscaster. She's not the girl in Aruba's mother.
Ed Helms: No. No, no, no. Only a blood relative would pursue a case with that kind of single-minded obsession.
Classic.
Speaking of her, here's a funny exchange from the "Daily Show" last week (video here - it's at the 4:56 mark):
Ed Helms: It reminds me of this woman (picture of Greta), who tragically lost her daughter in Aruba, and has been down there ever since trying to find out what happened.
Jon Stewart: Ed, that was Greta Van Susteren, she's a newscaster. She's not the girl in Aruba's mother.
Ed Helms: No. No, no, no. Only a blood relative would pursue a case with that kind of single-minded obsession.
Classic.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
The reason TV was invented
"Bueeeeeeeeno"
Meet Bruno from "La Madrastra". I was introduced to The Greatest Television Character Of All Time via E's "The Soup" and had a chance to catch part of an episode during some downtime in Vegas. Despite what very little I've seen of this show, I'm convinced that it rivals Band of Brothers as The Best Thing Ever Produced For Television.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Is it any wonder why he's become one of my favorite authors?
A passage from Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story:
"It will take three hours to decide which compact discs to put in the backseat of my Tauntan [his rental Ford Taurus]. This is the kind of quandry that keeps people like me from sleeping; I never worry about nuclear war or the economy or if we need to establish a Palestinian state, but I spend a lot of time worrying about whether I need to purchase all the less-than-stellar Rolling Stones albums from the 1980s for cataloging purposes."
Ah, a kindred spirit.
"It will take three hours to decide which compact discs to put in the backseat of my Tauntan [his rental Ford Taurus]. This is the kind of quandry that keeps people like me from sleeping; I never worry about nuclear war or the economy or if we need to establish a Palestinian state, but I spend a lot of time worrying about whether I need to purchase all the less-than-stellar Rolling Stones albums from the 1980s for cataloging purposes."
Ah, a kindred spirit.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Crush of the Week: Mandy Moore
This week's Crush is singer, actress, and all-around cutie Mandy Moore. Sure, she started out as a young Britney clone, but by releasing a mature album of well-picked covers (by the likes of XTC, the Waterboys, and Joe Jackson), she has avoided a fate worthy of the rest of her skanked-up peers.
I want to hug it out.
Unlike Mrs. Federline, Moore doesn't try to put forth a sexy (read: slutty) image, which makes her even more attractive. Plus, she kicks butt in a multi-episode story arc on "Entourage."
I want to hug it out.
Unlike Mrs. Federline, Moore doesn't try to put forth a sexy (read: slutty) image, which makes her even more attractive. Plus, she kicks butt in a multi-episode story arc on "Entourage."
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Sip Bacardi like it's my birthday...
Today is my birthday. Buy me stuff (just kidding. Or maybe not.).
They say one is the loneliest number. I think thirty is.
The latter, non-work half of the day wasn't bad, actually. I had some Chinese food (Eight Treasure Duck) and ice cream cake and fielded calls from family and friends. I played with the cutest bulldog puppy. And I opened some presents, of course.
Now it's time for a few episodes of "The Simpsons" before I drift off to sleep and dream about whatever it is grown-ups dream about.
They say one is the loneliest number. I think thirty is.
The latter, non-work half of the day wasn't bad, actually. I had some Chinese food (Eight Treasure Duck) and ice cream cake and fielded calls from family and friends. I played with the cutest bulldog puppy. And I opened some presents, of course.
Now it's time for a few episodes of "The Simpsons" before I drift off to sleep and dream about whatever it is grown-ups dream about.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Micahpalooza: The Aftermath
A Micahpalooza (my 30th birthday celebration with friends old and new) Vegas recap, in an easy to absorb Larry King-esque form:
- THEhotel is one helluva fine place to stay.
- My favorite quote that I can remember: After seeing people clap at the conclusion of the fountain show at the Bellagio, Dubin says, "It's water - you don't have to applaud...you do have to tip, though." Classic.
- Continuous source of amusement: "Mama Mia!"
- As much as I tell myself that I'll "quit when I'm ahead" when gambling, I never do.
- I had one of the oddest conversations that I've ever had with a stripper. She is getting her doctorate in Holocaust Studies at UNLV, spent two weeks researching at the private library at the National Holocaust Museum, and interned in Auschwitz last year. Then we talked about watching the Prime Minister's Q&A on C-SPAN. Not exactly "sexy talk," but very interesting. I'm still not sure if she was legit or had just read a book.
- Vegas is the only town that will have Rob Zombie play a show one night and the next night Rev. Al Green will be singing at the same venue.
- Penn & Teller put on a very entertaining show.
- It's no secret that this town has an extremely high concentration of silicone (not that I'm complaining; I'm not one of those shallow guys that prefers natural to fake. I'm happy as long as they're big). Surely all these women don't live in Vegas. So, why are they all attracted to this city? I'm now accepting grants to conduct a hands-on study of this phenomenon.
- I think that I was the only one in our group that got acclimated to the time zone change.
- Among the presents showered on me: a "Bad Motherfucker" wallet (perfect for walking the Earth), an "I Got Wood" t-shirt (because Shaun of the Dead is my Citizen Kane), a set of bulldog cufflinks, and a gift certificate to Brooks Brothers so I can be the best dressed legal document-scanning wage slave temp ever.
- Pure at Caesar's Palace won't allow you in if you are wearing casual footwear. You've been warned.
- Paul Sorvino and Furio from "The Sopranos" were eating at our hotel's restaurant.
- Something better than an endless supply of crab legs? I think not.
- I finally found a good food that I can't finish in one sitting: the mocha muffin at THEhotel's coffee bar.
- The food at the House of Blues is shit. Never take a dining suggestion from a stripper.
- Based on a newsmagazine story that we watched, I don't think I'll ever feel compelled to visit Louisville, KY.
- I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching Swingers.
- Special thanks to "Julie" at the Spearmint Rhino for helping me pass some time before my flight home.
- I shared a cab to the airport with two strangers - one from Orange County, the other from San Francisco. I was extremely jealous of their short travel times.
- Could USAirways pick two less appealing in-flight movies than Monster-in-Law and A Lot Like Love?
So, that's about it (or at least what I can remember). Much love to everyone that flew out there. I had the best time.
Free Music Tuesday: Murs
This week I'm offering a couple of tracks from indie hip-hop MC Murs, taken from his excellent 2004 album Murs 3:16 - The Ninth Edition. Both of these songs deal with women's attraction to the bad boys, told from two different viewpoints.
The first is "The Pain" and could easily be classified as the hip-hop version of Sad Bastard Music. Choice lyrics: "Cause I'm tired of getting shot down, put down and dissed/I wanna be picked up, held tight and kissed/But things like these don't happen to dudes like me/Because I'm more Coldplay than I am Ice-T".
Next up is "Bad Man," which examines the reality of trying to get into a relationship with the titular type of guy. Choice lyrics: " All I wanted was to fuck, from the start I never lied/Now it hurts my heart to have to see you cry/Let you know from the jump, I was that type of guy/Now you all on my voice mail askin' me why".
Leave me a comment requesting one or both songs and I'll e-mail them to you.
The first is "The Pain" and could easily be classified as the hip-hop version of Sad Bastard Music. Choice lyrics: "Cause I'm tired of getting shot down, put down and dissed/I wanna be picked up, held tight and kissed/But things like these don't happen to dudes like me/Because I'm more Coldplay than I am Ice-T".
Next up is "Bad Man," which examines the reality of trying to get into a relationship with the titular type of guy. Choice lyrics: " All I wanted was to fuck, from the start I never lied/Now it hurts my heart to have to see you cry/Let you know from the jump, I was that type of guy/Now you all on my voice mail askin' me why".
Leave me a comment requesting one or both songs and I'll e-mail them to you.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Back, beat, and down a lot of cash
I got in from Vegas and am happy to say that Micah-palooza was quite a success. Thanks to all of my friends (old and new) who showed their love. I'm pretty tired now, having slept only an hour last night. There'll be a trip recap and maybe a picture or two tomorrow.
EDIT: Okay, so I didn't get to a Vegas update yesterday. I went to see Red Eye and then look at puppies. But I'll do it tonight.
EDIT: Okay, so I didn't get to a Vegas update yesterday. I went to see Red Eye and then look at puppies. But I'll do it tonight.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Gambling, drinking, leering, cussing, fondling, smoking, and otherwise behaving badly
Acting like an idiot at Caesar's Palace.
Micah World won't be updated for the remainder of the week as I will be far, far away from my computer and living it up in Sin City (sans Bruce Willis, Jessica Alba, and Mickey Rourke). So many Commandments to be broken, so little time. Micah-palooza (aka my 30th birthday celebration) should be a blast.
I'm at about 50% packed for my 6 am flight. To think that I'll be eating lunch in Vegas tomorrow. Jealous?
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Free Music Tuesday: Rat Pack edition
Because of my upcoming trip to Vegas, I'm in a Rat Pack mood. I've got two classics for you this week. First up is Dean Martin's medley "Drink To Me Only With Thine Eyes/I Don't Care If The Sun Don't Shine/I Love Vegas (Paris)," recorded live at the Sands. Also up is my favorite lesser-known Frank Sinatra song - "The Coffee Song." Leave a comment request either or both and I'll send you what you want. A ring a ding ding.
Along these lines, I'm trying to think of who will be filling the Rat Pack roles in my gang's Summit in Vegas this week. Because I was the only one to get drunk last time, I guess that makes me Dean-o (yeah, yeah - I know his inebriation was all a schtick and he actually drank applejuice on stage. Save it.). Dubin would have to be Sammy because he's Jewish (and a helluva dancer). KPMD would be Shirley MacLaine because she's our token female. Sorry, Shamrock - CB's going to have to be Frank because he's Italian and probably has more Mob connections than you. That makes Shamrock either Joey Bishop or Peter Lawford. I'll let him decide who he wants to be.
Along these lines, I'm trying to think of who will be filling the Rat Pack roles in my gang's Summit in Vegas this week. Because I was the only one to get drunk last time, I guess that makes me Dean-o (yeah, yeah - I know his inebriation was all a schtick and he actually drank applejuice on stage. Save it.). Dubin would have to be Sammy because he's Jewish (and a helluva dancer). KPMD would be Shirley MacLaine because she's our token female. Sorry, Shamrock - CB's going to have to be Frank because he's Italian and probably has more Mob connections than you. That makes Shamrock either Joey Bishop or Peter Lawford. I'll let him decide who he wants to be.
Why am I watching this?
For some reason, I'm watching the Teen Choice Awards, despite that I am pretty far from being a teen and I have zero interest in these awards. I sure hope Are We There Yet? wins.
Gwen Stefani started the show with full marching band in tow. And she had boobs! Either she got some clandestine surgery or she's heavily padded. I wish I had a quartet of Asian hotties follow me around everywhere I went. Maybe I should add that to my birthday list.
Did the producers instruct the audience members to constantly shriek like banshees? I've never understood teenage girls (well, females in general, really), especially this part of their DNA.
Mad props to JCPenny's ad campaign that uses golden age hip-hop songs. I can get with this (and that).
Okay, Paris Hilton just won an award. I can't stomach any more of this. There's our country's future, people.
Gwen Stefani started the show with full marching band in tow. And she had boobs! Either she got some clandestine surgery or she's heavily padded. I wish I had a quartet of Asian hotties follow me around everywhere I went. Maybe I should add that to my birthday list.
Did the producers instruct the audience members to constantly shriek like banshees? I've never understood teenage girls (well, females in general, really), especially this part of their DNA.
Mad props to JCPenny's ad campaign that uses golden age hip-hop songs. I can get with this (and that).
Okay, Paris Hilton just won an award. I can't stomach any more of this. There's our country's future, people.
Tempin' ain't easy
Today I scanned 3,351 documents. Remember that part in The Shawshank Redemption when Andy is asked how he made it through his two weeks in the hole and responded, "I had Mr. Mozart to keep me company?" That's what I felt like today, scanning and listening to my mp3 player. This assignment would be absolutely unbearable if I didn't have my music to get me through it.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Big tempin'
Blogging may be a bit sporadic for a while since, after a month and a half of waiting, my temp agency finally found an assignment for me. It's good to be working (and making some money), but I'm less than enthused to be at the place where I am. First off, I accepted the assignment even though it is paying me considerably less than my requested minimum hourly wage. Also, minus mandatory breaks and lunch, I'm only working for 6.5 hours. And most importantly, it is going to be mind-numbingly dull: scanning legal documents. That's it. At least I get to bring in my mp3 player. And the dress code is super casual.
My contact at the place said that this project will be ongoing for about 8-9 months. I swear, if I'm there for 8 months, I give you, dear reader, permission to take me into the woods, tell me about the rabbits, and then put a bullet through my skull.
The place is being monitored by a couple of FBI agents, so they probably wouldn't take too kindly to me updating my blog at work, much less checking my e-mail. And then I leave for Vegas on Thursday, so this may be a light week at Micah World.
My contact at the place said that this project will be ongoing for about 8-9 months. I swear, if I'm there for 8 months, I give you, dear reader, permission to take me into the woods, tell me about the rabbits, and then put a bullet through my skull.
The place is being monitored by a couple of FBI agents, so they probably wouldn't take too kindly to me updating my blog at work, much less checking my e-mail. And then I leave for Vegas on Thursday, so this may be a light week at Micah World.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Jenga killed people, too
I spent this weekend in rural Ahia at our family's cabin, which is chock full of relics from an age when America wasn't bonkers for product liability litigation (and had a thing for a ridiculous outdated notion called personal responsibility).
"I'm bleeding!"
This is what used to be called a "jart." It was used in a game called "lawn darts." Fun family activity or Satanic tool of wanton destruction?
"I'm bleeding!"
This is what used to be called a "jart." It was used in a game called "lawn darts." Fun family activity or Satanic tool of wanton destruction?
Friday, August 12, 2005
Rockin' the suburbs
Last night I went to see the sold out Ben Folds/Rufus Wainwright/Ben Lee show at PromoWest Pavilion.
I'd never heard any of Ben Lee's music, but he was pretty cool. And he knew his role in the concert ("the next song is the perfect 'shuffling in' music"). Ben Folds came on next and kicked much ass. Any performer that utilizes stage banter AND audience participation is tops in my book. He transformed the audience into a chorus singing "ah ah"s during "Not the Same" (as cool as that was, I was really looking forward to being part of the horn section of "Army," but he didn't do that song last night). It was great to hear "Gone" (one of my faves of his) live. He brought Rufus Wainwright out to sing the chorus of Wham's "Careless Whisper." The highlight, though, was his take on Dr. Dre's "Bitches Ain't Shit" - classic. He left the stage after only playing for little more than an hour, which was a bummer. No one in my posse (me, my cousin, his girlfriend) is much of a RW fan, so we opted to go to a bar rather than see him perform.
Trivia: The photograph for the "Jesusland" page in the Songs for Silverman CD's booklet was taken around City Center Mall in Columbus. Neat!
My question is this: Has Ben Folds' fanbase gotten younger? Seriously, when I first discovered his music, the overwhelming majority of the people in the audience were still wearing shortpants (likely bought at Abercrombie & Fitch). There were only a handful of people in the audience around my age (read: aging pseudo-hipsters). And oh, the eye candy. I hadn't felt this much like a dirty, old man since I saw Mean Girls in the theater. The crowd provided as much entertainment as the music. Besides the aformentioned PYTs, there was the extremely wasted guy laying on the ground in front of us, whose girlfriend got more and more pissed off at him as the show progressed. Then there was the group of high school guys smoking cheap-ass supermarket cigars before trading up to the wacky tobaccy. Ah, youth. We saw Ben Folds' only black fan (my theory is she was duped into going to the show by her friends). My favorite, though, was the solitary middle-aged Asian man who was constantly smiling while he held a cup of beer that was bigger than him. Sadly, he disappeared sometime after Ben Lee's set. Vaya con Dios, good sir.
PromoWest is an outdoors/indoors venue. I'd only been there once, to see an indoors Stephen Lynch show (he described the room as looking like a "gay prison"). Incidentally, Lynch filmed a bit for his DVD on Columbus's own Gay Street. But I digress. I'd never been to an outdoors show at PromoWest and I was impressed with the set up. We had lawn seats at the very back and still had a good view. The music wasn't too loud. It was refreshing to leave a show without a bad case of concert ear.
To sum up: good show, although next time Ben Folds rolls into town I hope he isn't co-headlining or playing with a full band.
Oh yeah - no concert post would be complete without the obligatory "Ticketmaster sucks" comment: Ticketmaster sucks.
I'd never heard any of Ben Lee's music, but he was pretty cool. And he knew his role in the concert ("the next song is the perfect 'shuffling in' music"). Ben Folds came on next and kicked much ass. Any performer that utilizes stage banter AND audience participation is tops in my book. He transformed the audience into a chorus singing "ah ah"s during "Not the Same" (as cool as that was, I was really looking forward to being part of the horn section of "Army," but he didn't do that song last night). It was great to hear "Gone" (one of my faves of his) live. He brought Rufus Wainwright out to sing the chorus of Wham's "Careless Whisper." The highlight, though, was his take on Dr. Dre's "Bitches Ain't Shit" - classic. He left the stage after only playing for little more than an hour, which was a bummer. No one in my posse (me, my cousin, his girlfriend) is much of a RW fan, so we opted to go to a bar rather than see him perform.
Trivia: The photograph for the "Jesusland" page in the Songs for Silverman CD's booklet was taken around City Center Mall in Columbus. Neat!
My question is this: Has Ben Folds' fanbase gotten younger? Seriously, when I first discovered his music, the overwhelming majority of the people in the audience were still wearing shortpants (likely bought at Abercrombie & Fitch). There were only a handful of people in the audience around my age (read: aging pseudo-hipsters). And oh, the eye candy. I hadn't felt this much like a dirty, old man since I saw Mean Girls in the theater. The crowd provided as much entertainment as the music. Besides the aformentioned PYTs, there was the extremely wasted guy laying on the ground in front of us, whose girlfriend got more and more pissed off at him as the show progressed. Then there was the group of high school guys smoking cheap-ass supermarket cigars before trading up to the wacky tobaccy. Ah, youth. We saw Ben Folds' only black fan (my theory is she was duped into going to the show by her friends). My favorite, though, was the solitary middle-aged Asian man who was constantly smiling while he held a cup of beer that was bigger than him. Sadly, he disappeared sometime after Ben Lee's set. Vaya con Dios, good sir.
PromoWest is an outdoors/indoors venue. I'd only been there once, to see an indoors Stephen Lynch show (he described the room as looking like a "gay prison"). Incidentally, Lynch filmed a bit for his DVD on Columbus's own Gay Street. But I digress. I'd never been to an outdoors show at PromoWest and I was impressed with the set up. We had lawn seats at the very back and still had a good view. The music wasn't too loud. It was refreshing to leave a show without a bad case of concert ear.
To sum up: good show, although next time Ben Folds rolls into town I hope he isn't co-headlining or playing with a full band.
Oh yeah - no concert post would be complete without the obligatory "Ticketmaster sucks" comment: Ticketmaster sucks.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Crush of the Week: Maggie Gyllenhaal
This week's Crush is actress Maggie Gyllenhaal. I've never seen any of her work (or, for that matter, her brother's - with the exception of City Slickers), but I recently saw her interviewed on "The Daily Show" and I was immediately smitten.
She's just so darn cute!
She's just so darn cute!
Hey Vern, I feel my IQ dropping 50 points
This morning I turned on the TV, which was set on Encore (from last night's viewing of Lost in Translation). And what was playing when I turned it on? The cinematic classic Ernest Goes to School. Now normally when something like this would happen, I couldn't change the channel fast enough - but I heard a familiar voice: former Crush Sarah Chalke. I had no idea that this film was a part of her reel. I wonder if she's proud of her role. Anyway, I proceeded to watch the last half hour of the movie solely because of her. And then I was reminded why I HATE Ernest movies.
They are just unbearably stupid. Now, it was a sad day when Jim Varney passed and his Ernest character will always hold a bit of nostalgia for me. After all, his visage graced the mini milk cartons that we were served every day in elementary school. But these movies are lame, even by kid standards. I saw the very first one - Ernest Goes to Camp - when it was released in the theaters in 1987. Even my 12 year old self realized how dumb the movie was, although I'm sure I was well out of the target market at that age. How could these movies turn a profit, thus ensuring sequel after sequel? Who are the people that keep going back to the "Hey, Vern" well again and again? I probably don't want to know the answer. Let's just thank our lucky stars that we were spared such possible titles as Ernest Bursts the Dot Com Bubble or Ernest Goes to Gitmo.
They are just unbearably stupid. Now, it was a sad day when Jim Varney passed and his Ernest character will always hold a bit of nostalgia for me. After all, his visage graced the mini milk cartons that we were served every day in elementary school. But these movies are lame, even by kid standards. I saw the very first one - Ernest Goes to Camp - when it was released in the theaters in 1987. Even my 12 year old self realized how dumb the movie was, although I'm sure I was well out of the target market at that age. How could these movies turn a profit, thus ensuring sequel after sequel? Who are the people that keep going back to the "Hey, Vern" well again and again? I probably don't want to know the answer. Let's just thank our lucky stars that we were spared such possible titles as Ernest Bursts the Dot Com Bubble or Ernest Goes to Gitmo.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
"Fees, shorty. Fees."
Are there any commercials funnier than the ones featuring Poser Mobile?
Wiki wiki wiki uh uh
I think not, shorty.
Wiki wiki wiki uh uh
I think not, shorty.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Free Music Tuesday: Gerald Collier
When some people are feelin' the blues, they put on the Cure or Miles Davis or - I don't know - Elton John (because sad songs say so much). All fine choices, yes, but when I want to relish my depression with some countrified tear-in-my-single-malt music I reach for my Gerald Collier CDs. The guy is the master of this type of music. I swear, his acoustic I Had to Laugh Like Hell album was made for hard drinking. Here are some choice lines of his:
Well, you get the idea. Yesterday I wasn't in the best of moods, so I took a page from the Book of Henry Rollins (who lifts weights to ballads and sad music) and hit the gym with my mp3 player full of GC and had a good, cathartic work out.
Today I'm offering two Gerald Collier songs: "Dark Days" and "Note From a Woman to a Man." Leave me a comment requesting either or both of them and I'll e-mail them to you.
(THSE, should I just directly desposit these files into your inbox? After all, you're pretty much the only one who ever takes me up on my offer.)
- "I'm holding up my end/of the bar again" ("Forgiveness From Revenge")
- "If I could throw a rock/I'd throw it at the sun/Hard enough to bring that bad boy down here/And laugh like hell as burns a whole through everyone/It burns a hole right through you, my dear" ("Losing Everything")
- "I would do almost anything you told me/I'd do anything but lie/I'd blow my brains out if you asked me/I'm just that kind of guy" ("To Break the Ice")
- "You let me know you wish that I/Had never been born/And with the strength left in your hands/I'm torn apart at the seams/Somehow it's my fault you have no dreams" ("Dark Days")
- "My ship came in just in time for sinkin'/And now that it's gone I've got more time to get wasted/Who could as for more?" ("Who Could Ask For More")
- "I don't want a fight/I want pills/Something strong enough/The stuff that kills" ("I'm Not Coming Back")
- I'd like to play truth or dare/With someone who cares/I'd like to sleep around/But no one calls anymore" ("Truth or Dare")
- "You'd think after all this time/I'd have closed the case/Opened a book of matches/And torched this place" ("Still Your Fool")
- "Gonna sit in this chair/Drink until you're not there/Fall on the floor/Wake up and drink more" ("Bender [I'm on One]")
- "Don't discard me on this evidence/Don't believe what's on bathroom walls/You know I'd never stay the night/You know I'm not a good time at all" ("Don't Discard Me")
- "I was up thinking to myself last night/How much better I'd be if I'd a shot her on sight" ("Pure Lonely")
Well, you get the idea. Yesterday I wasn't in the best of moods, so I took a page from the Book of Henry Rollins (who lifts weights to ballads and sad music) and hit the gym with my mp3 player full of GC and had a good, cathartic work out.
Today I'm offering two Gerald Collier songs: "Dark Days" and "Note From a Woman to a Man." Leave me a comment requesting either or both of them and I'll e-mail them to you.
(THSE, should I just directly desposit these files into your inbox? After all, you're pretty much the only one who ever takes me up on my offer.)
Monday, August 08, 2005
Requiem for Ibrahim Ferrer
R.I.P. Ibrahim Ferrer, 1927-2005.
The Buena Vista Social Club album is one of my favorites. I'm sure he's making heavenly music with Compay Segundo and Ruben Gonzalez right now.
Condolences to the loved ones of Peter Jennings, too.
The Buena Vista Social Club album is one of my favorites. I'm sure he's making heavenly music with Compay Segundo and Ruben Gonzalez right now.
Condolences to the loved ones of Peter Jennings, too.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
There goes my pop culture street cred (and other stuff)
- Doing my daily internet reading, I came across an item saying that Carrie Underwood was voted PETA's vegetarian of the year. Now, I could give a flying fig about PETA, but my thought upon reading this was, "Am I supposed to know who Carrie Underwood is?" I had to Google her. Turns out she's this year's nationally televised karaoke contest winner. *Smacks head*
- "Stella" is this summer's funniest show. Michael Showalter on being in love: "I feel like a newborn baby lamb fresh out the womb, still covered in afterbirth." Absurdist humor, but hilarious.
- I caught FX's new comedies "Starved" and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia". Not bad. I liked the latter more than the former, but my DVR cut off with about 6 or so minutes to go, so "Sunny" left me totally hanging.
- Thanks to my cousin Dustin for hooking me up with a copy of Microsoft Office long after the trial version expired on my laptop. Now I can write cover letters and tweak resumes anywhere I want.
- It's very hard for me to justify paying $50 for a video game (I've only done it twice: the Sims and the Sims 2), but I knew I should've bought Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas while I had the chance. Thanks, Hillary!
- Peanut butter is the food of the gods.
- Even though I would never pay to see the new Deuce Bigalow movie (fool me once...), I always laugh at the part in the TV spot where a woman says, "I want a man who's unemployed and went to a community college" and Deuce responds, "I am and I did!"
- I get a metric ton of free subscriptions, but I'd actually pay for Giant Magazine.
- I'm completely obsessed with the latest Rilo Kiley album.
Friday, August 05, 2005
"It's the feel-good class-action lawsuit of the summer!!!"
Well, it looks like Sony is going to pony up $1.5 million to settle the class-action lawsuit regarding movie advertisement blurbs by phantom critic David Manning. So, if you saw Vertical Limit, A Knight's Tale, The Animal, Hollow Man or The Patriot during their theatrical runs, you're entitled to $5 of your money back.
You know, I completely forgot about the existence of Hollow Man, much less the fact that I saw it in the theater, before reading this story. I wonder if Kevin Bacon feels the same way.
For info on how to make your claim, see this PDF file.
Credit due: Laughmachine.com
You know, I completely forgot about the existence of Hollow Man, much less the fact that I saw it in the theater, before reading this story. I wonder if Kevin Bacon feels the same way.
For info on how to make your claim, see this PDF file.
Credit due: Laughmachine.com
Thursday, August 04, 2005
I'd like to teach the world to chill
I am totally digging the latest Coke commercial - the one that has G. Love (one of my faves) tweaking the classic "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing" commercial. Personally, I think he's the perfect choice for the summertime loungin' vibe that the commercial gives off.
You can view the "Chilltop" ad here (click on "Chilltop" -> "Commercial").
It looks like they may put the song online ("coming soon"), but in the meantime does anyone happen to have the audio to this?
You can view the "Chilltop" ad here (click on "Chilltop" -> "Commercial").
It looks like they may put the song online ("coming soon"), but in the meantime does anyone happen to have the audio to this?
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Crushes of the Week: "Wedding Crashers" women
Due to vacation, I didn't have any Crushes for the past couple of weeks, so I'll make up for lost time. This week you get four: the women of Wedding Crashers.
"I got a Stage Five Clinger."
Isla Fisher is adorable and stole her scenes in the movie (and she gets bonus points for being engaged to Ali G). Rachel McAdams is cute (but I didn't buy her character's attraction to her jerk boyfriend). I am completely in love with Diora Baird, even though she was in the movie for about four seconds (but what a four seconds it was). And Jane Seymour (aka Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman) is the epitome of a MILF ("Call me Kitty Cat.").
As for the movie itself, I thought it was hilarious. The dinner table scene alone was worth the price of admission. Sure, there were some plotholes, but what do you expect from a raunchy comedy? Vince Vaughn (who is being stalked by a certain regular Micah World reader) owned the movie. Hollywood, please give him more work. And not that I'm complaining or anything, but I expected way more boobage in the film. Maybe for the inevitable unrated DVD...
Hopefully, the upcoming R-rated comedy The Forty Year-Old Virgin will be just as funny. Not...that...I'll be able to relate or anything. After all, I'm 29. :) (Sadly, though, Steve Carell's line "I just kinda stopped trying" resonates with me.)
"I got a Stage Five Clinger."
Isla Fisher is adorable and stole her scenes in the movie (and she gets bonus points for being engaged to Ali G). Rachel McAdams is cute (but I didn't buy her character's attraction to her jerk boyfriend). I am completely in love with Diora Baird, even though she was in the movie for about four seconds (but what a four seconds it was). And Jane Seymour (aka Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman) is the epitome of a MILF ("Call me Kitty Cat.").
As for the movie itself, I thought it was hilarious. The dinner table scene alone was worth the price of admission. Sure, there were some plotholes, but what do you expect from a raunchy comedy? Vince Vaughn (who is being stalked by a certain regular Micah World reader) owned the movie. Hollywood, please give him more work. And not that I'm complaining or anything, but I expected way more boobage in the film. Maybe for the inevitable unrated DVD...
Hopefully, the upcoming R-rated comedy The Forty Year-Old Virgin will be just as funny. Not...that...I'll be able to relate or anything. After all, I'm 29. :) (Sadly, though, Steve Carell's line "I just kinda stopped trying" resonates with me.)
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Free Music Tuesday: Jude and the Postal Service
Two free tunes for you today. First up is "The Not So Pretty Princess" by Jude (from his 2001 album King of Yesterday, which I've been obsessed with lately).
The Not So Pretty Princess met a doctor with a knife
And he said there was a lot of ways that he could change her life
And with the nose of a reindeer, the skin of a plum
For now she'll be lovely, forever look dumb
Next up is "Nothing Better" by The Postal Service, in which Ben Gibbard and Jen Wood debate about whether their relationship is over:
He said:
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over
And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
She said:
I feel I must interject here
You're getting carried away, feeling sorry for youself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear
I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave
This is simply the best male and female back-and-forth song since the Human League's "Don't You Want Me?" (While you're at it, go to the Postal Service's site and snag "Such Great Heights" - an excellent song).
I had originally planned on offering "Mexico or Bust" by New Kingdom, but I see that they offer it for free themselves on their site. That song is straight-up grimey. Go there and get it NOW.
So leave a comment requesting either or both songs, if you want 'em.
The Not So Pretty Princess met a doctor with a knife
And he said there was a lot of ways that he could change her life
And with the nose of a reindeer, the skin of a plum
For now she'll be lovely, forever look dumb
Next up is "Nothing Better" by The Postal Service, in which Ben Gibbard and Jen Wood debate about whether their relationship is over:
He said:
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over
And I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
She said:
I feel I must interject here
You're getting carried away, feeling sorry for youself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear
I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave
This is simply the best male and female back-and-forth song since the Human League's "Don't You Want Me?" (While you're at it, go to the Postal Service's site and snag "Such Great Heights" - an excellent song).
I had originally planned on offering "Mexico or Bust" by New Kingdom, but I see that they offer it for free themselves on their site. That song is straight-up grimey. Go there and get it NOW.
So leave a comment requesting either or both songs, if you want 'em.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Well, there goes any chance of being productive
I see that Garden State and Shaun of the Dead are now in rotation on Skinemax. Sure, I've got the DVDs for each, but I'm telling you right now that you can add these two to my list of "Movies That I'll Watch Every TV Viewing That I Can Catch" list (which includes such films as Ocean's Eleven, Dumb and Dumber, La Bamba, and Shattered Glass).
In other pay cable movie news, I just may give Napoleon Dynamite another chance. Hey, I hated Super Troopers and Goldmember when I first saw them, but now find them funny. And it looks like I'll be able to check out Fahrenheit 9/11 without directly giving money to Michael Moore.
In other pay cable movie news, I just may give Napoleon Dynamite another chance. Hey, I hated Super Troopers and Goldmember when I first saw them, but now find them funny. And it looks like I'll be able to check out Fahrenheit 9/11 without directly giving money to Michael Moore.
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