Guess I'm heading down South...

In an effort to keep my thousands of regular readers (and by "thousands" I mean "all 4 or 5 of you") informed - and so I don't have to write a bunch of e-mails, the Ohio State Bar Exam results were announced today and noticeably absent in the list of people who passed was me. But I went into the exam with a win-win mindset: if I passed, I'd get some type of law job; if I didn't, that'd put me on the fast track of moving back to DC or Richmond, where I want to end up, anyway.

Still, I can't help feel disappointed. If it wasn't verboten on Phase 1 of South Beach, I'd be plenty liquored up by now. And, yes, I've broken out the country music. Currently, it's Steve Earle's "My Old Friend the Blues":

Just when every ray of hope was gone
I should have known that you would come along
I can't believe I ever doubted you
My old friend the blues
Another lonely night, a nameless town
If sleep don't take me first, you'll come around
'Cause I know I can always count on you
My old friend the blues

Lovers leave and friends will let you down
But you're the only sure thing that I've found
No matter what I do I'll never lose
My old friend the blues

Just let me hide my weary heart in you
My old friend the blues

But at least I'm secure in the knowledge that I have a nice job and bright future. No, wait - I'm poor and unemployed. Well, there's always the love of an understanding woman. Too bad I don't have one.

Sorry - didn't mean to turn this into a pity party. It's just that I don't break things, get into fights, or have any "booty calls" at my disposal, so this is one of the few outlets for my frustrations. I think that I'll go to see Sin City and then hit the gym, just to get my mind off all of this crap.

And, no, I'm not taking any calls for a while.

Friday mash-up roundup

Just one today: an unnatural marriage of Ray Parker, Jr.'s "Ghostbusters" and Nine Inch Nails' new single "Hand That Feeds." Get it here (right click - save as).

Credit due: warcp over at DVDTalk

Crush of the Week: Giada De Laurentiis

This week's Crush is another celebrity chef - Giada De Laurentiis, host of the Food Network's Everyday Italian (a show with seemingly high production values - looks like it's shot on film, but I suspect it may be digital video). She is just SO...DAMN...CUTE! She's got that older Natalie Portman thing going on. Surprisingly, there's not many pictures of her on the 'net, so her cookbook cover will have to do.


Mama mia!

She looks even better than this picture, but you make do with what you have. Giada gets bonus points for being the granddaughter of Dino De Laurentiis, producer of Army of Darkness, among many other movies.

If this doesn't win an Emmy...

I'm just sitting here, checking the digital cable on-screen guide to see what's on the premium channels like Skinemax (I never watch this channel, I SWEAR). Here's the program description:

Thrills 2: Couples enjoy exciting lovemaking.

With a plot like that, how can I not watch this show? Actually, between an Amy Sedaris appearance on Letterman and an airing of one of my favorite episodes of King of the Hill (Bill is put on Christmas suicide watch - sounds depressing, but it's hilarious), I think that I'll skip it. Plus I'm pretty sure that I've already seen it. A few times.

I'm so hardcore

Because there's no demand for it, here's a pic of my tattoo.


Go, Spiders!

Guess you could say that I love my alma mater. I had mulled over getting this for a few years and finally worked up the courage during Spring Break 2003. The procedure really wasn't painful - more of a constant annoyance. This was taken shortly after it was done, hence the flecks of blood and shaved hair. And its placement still allows me to get a white collar job.

If you're itchin' to get some ink, I suggest that you go see Ellie at Electric Lady Land in New Orleans.

In related news, tattoos of broken-up celebrity couples!

Another quick movie review

Finding Neverland: Johnny Depp does a great job of portraying Michael Jackson with a Scottish accent. Seriously, his performance was terrific and justified my opinion of him as our generation's greatest actor. Despite that, I just didn't love this movie like I wanted to. The flights of imagination were really well-done. Winslet and the kids did a good job. There was even a really touching scene towards the end. Just something about it didn't click for me. Maybe it's the fact that the MJ trial is currently going on. I'm not really sure.

And a note to theater-goers with really young children: either get a babysitter or wait for the movie to come on DVD and freakin' watch it at home. Sheesh.

Quick movie reviews

I finally got out and saw a couple of movies this past weekend: The Aviator and The Interpreter.


"I've designed a new plane. I call it the Spruce Moose."

The Aviator: The best movie that I've ever seen that stars Leonardo DiCaprio as an ambitious germaphobe with OCD and a Ross Perot-esque accent! This Howard Hughes biopic was quite good, but still far from Scorsese's best. And it was a bit too long. Surprisingly, I didn't want to punch Leo in the face. I guess that I've finally moved past that steaming pile Titanic.

The Interpreter: Solid acting, but the dialogue was kind of weak in parts. There were also a few plotholes. Kidman looked great. The message of the movie: "Diplomacy is good. Violence is bad, mmmkay?" It didn't change my feelings about the corrupt international fustercluck that is the United Nations, though.

You know, I'm sensing that this restaurant has a subtle theme to it

I went to Outback Steakhouse for the first time last night and it was pretty good. I don't know how I managed to avoid the place all these years. A long time ago, before Outback became the Starbucks of steakhouses (one on every corner), I attempted to dine there, but the wait was going to be unbearably long. Last night was enjoyable, though.

The grilled shrimp were tasty. I had a cut of prime rib the size of my arm, which is never a bad thing. Hell, even the steamed veggies that I had with it were great. The whole Aussie theme was cute, but laid on a bit thick. After an hour or so spent in the restaurant, I'm praying that "joey," "sheila," and "walkabout" don't become a permanent part of my lexicon. Still, it doesn't win the award for Theme Overload (that prize goes to the Excalibur Hotel and Casino in Vegas). Now if only they offered peanuts and you could just throw the shells on the floor...

Maybe I'll go shopping today. What's this Gap place that I've been hearing so much about?

It's April, right?

Then why is it freakin' SNOWING?!

Willie Mays Hayes sues studio because his movie sucked

Variety is reporting that Wesley Snipes is suing New Line, writer-director David Goyer and Toby Emmerich, executive producer of "Blade: Trinity" for $5 million.

Goyer penned all three Blade scripts. According to the complaint, however, Snipes had concerns about him directing the third film in the trilogy and was not informed until six weeks before filming began that Goyer would direct. Similarly, he was not given an opportunity to object to the "juvenile level of humor" in the screenplay and the change in focus from the Blade character to two sidekicks. Snipes claims the real purpose of Blade III was to set the stage for spinoffs featuring other cast members.

Snipes blames Goyer for the critical response to the film, citing reviews describing Goyer as a "disastrous choice" and calling the film a "bloody mess." Film, released last December, has grossed $52 million at the domestic box office.

Uh, Wes, you did star in Money Train, U.S. Marshals, and Murder at 1600, didn't you? And you're just now bringing a complaint like this? So when is The Rock going to file a suit because of the shittiness of The Scorpion King?

Nino Brown is also playing the race card:

Snipes also claims that in contrast to the first two Blade films, in which efforts were made to select a multiracial cast and crew, defendants intentionally hired only white people, leading to feelings of isolation and exclusion by Snipes.

He also claims that Goyer made racially motivated statements about Snipes being unprofessional and difficult to work with, and that Goyer refused to discipline a crew member who wore a racially discriminatory T-shirt on the set.

Always bet on black. And I wonder what was on that shirt.

But my porn star name is Thrice Nightly

Nothing better to do today...

Your Stripper Name is: Peaches

Get your own Stripper Name

Wait til the boys down at the docks hear about that one.

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Well, I am a Southern Gentleman.

Crush of the Week: Monica Keena

This week's crush is actress Monica Keena. She's been in some crappy movies, but I know her best from HBO's entertaining Entourage and Fox's unjustly short-lived Undeclared (can we please get a DVD release of that show?). She was also on some show called Dawson's Creek. Yeah, I'd never heard of it, either.


Photo courtesy of Yahoo! Movies

Lots of Monica goodness here.

I can't sleep

I've got too much on my mind: upcoming bar results, uncertain future. At least Comedy Central's airing some episodes of the Kids in the Hall for next hour and a half.

I'd have a wee nip of my favorite single malt, as that usually helps me relax, but I started South Beachin' it yesterday and alchohol is verboten for the first two weeks. Curse you, ill-fitting summer clothes!

My life in the musical theatre

One day early in my college career I wanted something new to listen to while I wrote a paper. Off to the music library I went. Now, I had never been a fan of musicals - the whole bursting out in song thing just seems silly to me (Disclosure: I was a Nazi/party guest with one line in my high school production of The Sound of Music, which is the easiest way to develop a dislike of musicals). But for some reason, I checked out the original Broadway cast recording of South Pacific on a whim and ended up really liking it. From then on into law school, whenever I had a writing assignment, this was the soundtrack.

Currently, I still don't care much for musicals, but there are a few that I like: Guys & Dolls (c'mon, it's got Frank and Brando!), The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Little Shop of Horrors, Don't Stop the Carnival, Pink Floyd The Wall (if that counts)...uh, that may be it. But again, on a whim, the other day I checked out the soundtrack of a new one (to me) from the library: Avenue Q.


Photo courtesy of AvenueQ.com

Although I have yet to actually see the play, I am totally loving the soundtrack. It's like an adult version of Sesame Street. My favorite songs so far: "Everyone's a Little Bit Racist," "Schadenfreude," "The Internet Is For Porn," "Mix Tape," "There's a Fine, Fine Line," "My Girlfriend, Who Lives in Canada," and "I Wish I Could Go Back To College." Very funny stuff. This fall the show is forgoing a touring production and will take up a permanent residence at Steve Wynn's new Las Vegas hotel and casino. Like I need another excuse to visit Sin City.

After a little internet research, I found out that the "There's a place for us..." song used in the TIAA-CREF commercials that I like so much is actually "Somewhere" from West Side Story. There's no escaping it!

Being the geek that I am, I'd love to check out Monty Python's SpamAlot.

And I'm really looking forward to seeing the upcoming movie adaption of Mel Brooks' The Producers, since I never got to see a production of it. How can you not like a song called "Springtime For Hitler?"

Lest these admissions hurt my hetero street cred, let me just emphasize that I still love big boobies.

Add it to my Christmas list

In my daily surfing, I came across this: a talking Dennis Miller doll


Image courtesy of Talking Presidents

I never thought that I'd see the day when Dennis Miller came in doll form. I may just have to pick this up sometime. Hell, I already have the talking Bush and Reagan dolls. Hopefully, they'll produce a P.J. O'Rourke doll in the future.

And if you haven't seen Miller's stand-up special The Raw Feed, you're really missing out. It's hilarious.

What's a boy to do?

I'm kind of ambivalent about the upcoming movie Kicking & Screaming. On one hand, it stars Will Ferrell, whose antics I love. On the other hand, it centers around soccer - a sport I absolutely hate. The fact that it shares a title with a mediocre mid-90s Eric Stoltz flick, I don't really care about (although a little originality in Hollywood wouldn't hurt). Ah, hell. I'll go see it.

I wish I could find Chuck Klosterman's excellent essay on the evils of soccer ("George Will vs. Nick Hornby" from his book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs). The closest that I can find are some excerpts here.

I want this song

Last night I saw an Under Armour commercial that utilized a remixed, more rockin' version of Squeeze's classic "Goodbye Girl." You can watch the commercial here. That song will be mine. Oh, yes. It will be mine.

New Kids on the Block had a lot of hits

MTV news is reporting that singer Rich Cronin, formerly of boy band LFO, has been hospitalized leukemia. I wonder if it was the Chinese food that made him sick.

Disclosure: "Summer Girls" was a guilty pleasure of mine back in the day. And in all seriousness, it's terrible to see someone succumb to cancer, no matter what genre of music they recorded. Here's hoping it goes into remission.

The Timeless Art of Seduction

Because I can't think of anything to post about and this episode was on this evening.


Print courtesy of EnjoyArt.com

Discuss.

Crush of the Week: Mandy Amano

This week's crush is Mandy Amano. Who? The Pepsi iTunes chick. I don't know much about her except that she's Japanese/Irish (!) and has a great wiggle.


She'd almost get me to drink Pepsi. Almost.

Now, before you label me creepy for making her a Crush, check out this guy's blog, devoted entirely to her.

The song of the summer

I know it's only April, but I proclaim Hot Hot Heat's short, catchy kiss-off "Goodnight Goodnight" to be the Song of the Summer. "I've given up on social niceties/I threw 'em out when I threw out your keys" Brilliant! You can catch the song and the video on their official site.

(Mini-review: Although it has some gems, their latest LP Elevator isn't as good as their previous one, Make Up the Breakdown.)

Her status has been upped to "Trailer Park Trash Mama"

Classy!

Britney Spears has announced that she is knocked up. It is unclear as to whether Kevin is the baby-daddy.

Why am I picturing a shirtless, shoeless kid with a permanent Kool-Aid stain around its mouth...years from now?

I CANNOT WAIT until they pick a name. You just know that it will be ten times nuttier than "Apple."

Pope Ralph (what, too soon?)

With the passing of Pope John Paul II, millions around the world could use some comfort. That's why I propose the following movie: John Goodman is Pope Ralph. This would obviously be a sequel to his 1991 flick King Ralph (which I actually saw in the theater, I might add). Think of the hilarious hi-jinks that Pope Ralph would get into! It'll be cinematic gold, I tells ya!

Hey, much dumber movies actually get greenlit. *cough*SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2*cough*

Speaking of stupid movies, HBO or Cinemax (I forget which one) seemed to be playing Eurotrip around the clock recently, but upon checking the schedules it looks to have been pulled. Wonder if it had anything to do with that whole "death of the Pope" scene?

Burning (when you pee) questions

So, I was watching one of my favorite TV shows last night - the Valtrex commercial. You know the one: the Attractive Woman with genital herpes hikes, canoes, and playfully teases the Studly Man. She's not going to let an outbreak slow her down! But watching this story unfold, the nature of the couple's relationship isn't brought to light. Does Studly Man know that his current paramour is a slut? Or is he the skeezy guy that gave Attractive Woman genital herpes in the first place? If so, why did she stick with him? Is "tapping that ass" really worth the risk of an STD? Has he no standards? Is their union based on lies, deciet, and shame? Hopefully, these issues will be resolved sometime in the future because it really hampers my enjoyment.

In addition to my regular sickness, I also have DC baseball fever

I may be the only person in the state of Ohio that is really jazzed about Major League Baseball returning to the District of Crack. The Nationals have renewed my interest in our nation's 'roided-out pastime (despite the fact that I don't live in a market near DC and have yet to actually see a game, on TV or otherwise). Granted, I wasn't a fan of the Expos, but this is more about cheering on a team from my once ('98-'01) and future (later this year?) area of residence.

There's no shortage of information within the Blogosphere about the Nationals and that's mainly how I keep up with them. The one I'm really digging right now is BallWonk (love the title).

I even spent the better part of an evening last week searching for the perfect hat. Now, I'm not a huge fan of the Nationals' script "W," but I am all up in the interlocking "DC." Here's the hat that I finally ordered:


Backorderd: Ships in 2 to 4 weeks :(

Usually, I'll opt for the darker colored hat, in this case the navy blue one. But upon looking at my collection, nearly all of my hats are navy blue. So I figured that I'd spice things up a bit (caliente!) and get the red one, despite the risk that I may end up looking like either Fred Durst or Jerry Mathers as the Beaver.

My brother in Richmond, my two nephews, and I already agreed to meet up in DC for a game sometime this summer. I can't wait. Go Nats!

Non-Pope-related health update: I'm still sick. Getting better, but not operating at 100% just yet.

Under the weather

Excrement. That's what I feel like right now. Coughing. Feverish. Sore throat. Ugh. It's the kind of sick where I expect Grandpa to come over and read The Princess Bride to me (too bad I don't have any Grandpas left). So today's post will be short. Maybe I'll resurface again tonight.

News alert! Cookie Monster will advocate moderation when the new season of Sesame Street starts.
Guest star Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (!) says, "Even Cookie Monster is learning to control his cookie cravings. His sage advice opened our eyes to the simple joys of a tasty cookie and now reminds us that moderation is the key to healthy living." CM's even got a new song: "A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food."

Okay, I'm not one of those who cries "George Luca$ raped my childhood!" whenever the pop culture that I grew up with is changed or given to some revisionist history. BUT HE'S THE FREAKIN' COOKIE MONSTER! The dude gets off on scarfing down a couple of plates of cookies.

What's next? Miss Piggy going all South Beach on us?

Crush of the Week: Dido

This week's crush is mellow singer Dido. Love her voice. Love her. That's pretty much all I have to say.


Thank you.

Jonesin' for more? Check here for lots of Dido goodness.

What I did on Spring Break...

My Outer Banks vacation in 35 words or less: March Madness, foosball, Jack Kerouac, Easter eggs, go-carts, clouds, scallops, PS2 baseball, beach baseball, putting contest, salsa music, sun, basketball, vodka tonics, no fishing, rain, magazines, coffee, beard -> mutton chops -> goatee -> mustache, golf, cigars.


Sadie enjoying the view


The house


Hatteras lighthouse


The boys before the Easter egg hunt


Choppy waters


My brother enjoy a lil' hot tub time


Sarah Jane enjoys a day at the go-cart races


A rousing game of "Pile Things on the Tired Dog"

The official CD of the week:

Back, burned, and rested

I just wanted to type a little note and say that I returned from my travels yesterday. My alabaster skin has turned a red hue, my midsection's slightly bigger, and I'm super relaxed. A picture or two (plus a recap) will be forthcoming. I've got a lot of blog reading and e-mail to get caught up on in the meantime.